How to Ask Someone to be Your Groomsmen

Some fun ways to ask someone to be a groomsman at your wedding.

By Deanna deBara

groomsmen at a wedding
Photo by Kindred Photography

As a groom, deciding whom you want to be in your wedding party is an important part of the wedding planning process. But, once you know whom you want to ask to be your groomsmen, the next big item to check off your wedding to-do list is asking them.

Don’t know how to ask someone to be a groomsman? Well, it can be difficult. Asking your brother, family member, friend, or other important men in your life to stand by your side as you say you're “I do’s” is a big deal.

Let’s take a look at a few different ways to ask someone to be your groomsmen:

Send a Formal Invitation

You send out wedding invitations, so why not send out a formal invite to your soon-to-be groomsmen?

An invitation can be a great way to ask someone to be a groomsman. By writing your invite to the wedding party, you can be sure that you say everything you want to say to your future groomsmen—which can sometimes be challenging during a face-to-face conversation (when emotions are running high, you might stumble over your words or forget something you wanted to communicate, like an important memory or the reason you want that particular person to be in your wedding party). Plus, when you send a formal invitation, your groomsmen have a tangible item that they can keep to remember the experience.

Give a Gift That You Know They’ll Love...

Sending a groomsmen proposal gift that you know will be meaningful to your close friend or family member—along with a note that says something along the lines of “I know this means a lot to you, and you mean a lot to me. Want to be my groomsman?”—can be another great way to ask someone to be in your wedding party.

For example, if your future groomsman is really into basketball, you might get him tickets for the two of you to see his favorite team. If he’s a big reader, you might find the first edition of his favorite book. If he’s really into wine, you can give him a bottle that he’s had his eye on.

The point is, giving a gift that you know will mean a lot to your close friend shows that you care—and can be a great segue into asking him to stand by you on your wedding day.

...Or, Give a Gift Directly Related to Your Wedding

Another great idea for asking someone to be at your wedding is to give them something directly related to your wedding.

So, for example, if you’re asking someone to be a groomsman, you might give them a monogrammed pair of cufflinks, a pocket square or tie that matches your wedding color palette, or a cigar specifically meant to light up after you walk down the aisle. Then, when you give them the gift, explain that they’ll need it for your big day—and ask them to be your groomsmen.

How to Ask Someone to be Your Groomsmen Photo Credit // Christopher Duggan Photography

Ask All Your Groomsmen at Once

If you’re having a larger wedding party or the thought of going through the process of asking someone to be your groomsmen multiple times feels overwhelming, you can always knock it all out at once—and ask all of your future groomsmen to be in your wedding at the same time.

The key to success with this strategy is to make it an event. Invite all of your soon-to-be groomsmen to get together for something fun—such as a backyard BBQ, hiking adventure, brewery tour, or even your engagement party. (Or, if your wedding party is spread out across multiple locations and getting together in person isn’t possible, you can schedule a get together on Zoom.)

Once you have everyone together and having fun, you can give a short speech on why these people are such an important part of your life and why you want them to stand by your side on your wedding day—and then ask everyone collectively if they’ll be your groomsmen.

Chances are, you’ll be met with a resounding “yes”—at which point everyone can go back to the fun and festivities.

Just Ask

There are a ton of fun and creative ways in which you can ask someone to be your groomsmen. But, if that’s not your style, no worries; you can always, you know, just ask.

Chances are that the people you’re asking to be your groomsmen are some of the closest people to you in the world. The way you ask a good friend to be at your wedding doesn’t matter; they don’t need a bunch of bells and whistles or pomp and circumstance. The only thing that matters is that you want them to stand with you on one of the most important days of your life—and just asking them to be your groomsmen simply and straightforwardly is 100 percent enough.