How Soon is Too Soon To Ask Someone to Be Your +1?

Your loved one’s wedding is coming up, and you just received their official invite—and it includes a plus-one. While this is certainly cause for celebration (and many thanks), taking a date can be a big deal. Unless you’re in a steady, established relationship, it can be hard to know whether or not you should make someone your plus-one. If you’re in a fresh relationship, planning a second date, or just started seeing someone casually, you might be going back and forth about inviting them to a wedding—and asking yourself “how soon is too soon?” Here are a few things and red flags to consider before you ask someone to be your wedding date.

It’s Too Soon If…

1. You’ve only been on a few dates

Exploring a new relationship can be exciting, but it’s too early to ask someone to be your plus-one if you’ve only gone out a few times. For one, you’re likely still making plans with each other a few days in advance. Inviting someone to attend a wedding with you requires commitment and RSVPs—several weeks in advance.

If you’re not sure you’ll still be seeing each other by the day of, don’t ask. It isn’t fair to whoever’s funding the wedding to pay for someone you might not be involved with soon thereafter.

Also, consider that you’re just getting to know each other. You’re still trying to figure out your compatibility—and if you have potential. So, it’s probably not ideal to bring them to an event with a bunch of friends and family members before you’ve determined that you’re in a healthy relationship. Avoid the pressure on both ends and pass.

2. You aren’t in a committed relationship

Similarly, if you’re not in a committed relationship yet, your safest bet is to skip the invite. This helps you to avoid any potential added pressure about future plans, like the inevitable “are you together?” questions or (perhaps the worst of all) your date flirting with other guests.

Before asking someone who isn’t a close friend to be your plus-one, ask yourself if you would confidently introduce them as your partner or significant other to family members and friends. You should be proud of the person you’re presenting as your date. If you’re not exclusive (or are unsure if that’s the case), perhaps hold off on bringing them to your friend’s wedding.

3. You haven’t seen them in large social settings

We won’t mince words: Weddings can be overwhelming and exhausting for all involved. They’re often big, emotional affairs and you want to know how your plus one is going to respond to that. If this is your first big event together and you haven’t seen them at anything similar, you don't want to find out how they behave day-of.

Whether its emotional conversations or awkward back-and-forths with family, you want to be sure your plus-one will handle it appropriately. We’re not saying they need to be the most charming attendee, but social awareness definitely helps. The impression your date leaves on your loved ones reflects on you, too. If you haven’t seen them in a similar situation, like a holiday celebration or big family dinner, refrain from having them as your plus-one.

4. You’ve never seen them around alcohol

A life-of-the-party type can be a lot of fun at a wedding. But they can also potentially take an open bar too far. It happens. Before making someone your wedding date, you want to know what they’re like around a lot of alcohol in a more formal setting.

Even if you’re attending a casual wedding, you don’t want your plus-one ending up sloppy in front of your friends. That behavior will also distract from your night. They may be a good time at a party, but you want to be sure they can handle alcohol with maturity at a wedding.

5. You still can’t decide

Bearing all of this in mind, if you still can’t decide the right time to ask, chances are it’s too soon. You should know your plus-one well enough that you can rest assured that you’ll both have a great time—no uncertainties, regrets, or embarrassment involved.

If you’re not there yet, take some time to get to know the person better before bringing them into a celebration of this magnitude. There’s no pressure and, believe us, you’d rather be safe than sorry. Bring your best friend and enjoy your night stress free.

6. You plan for the wedding to be your first date

A wedding isn’t the ideal setting for a first date. If you’ve never been on a date with someone, you have no way how the date might go—and the last thing you want to do is have a terrible first date against the backdrop of a wedding. Plus, going to such a big, romantic event can put a lot of pressure on you and the other person—and may make the date harder or more uncomfortable than it needs to be.

If you’re interested in someone—but haven’t had an official date with them yet—invite someone else as your plus one (like a friend) or fly solo.

7. If they might not have attire to wear

Generally speaking, weddings aren’t casual affairs. That means dressing up in the appropriate attire so as not to stand out or disrespect the newlyweds. Unfortunately, not everyone owns formal clothing—and if you’re not familiar with your would-be plus-one, you might not know if he or she is suitable to suit up for a wedding.

Well before your loved one’s big day, make sure your wedding date owns (or can rent, buy, or borrow) the appropriate wedding attire. If you’re not absolutely certain that your plus-one has the right outfit, asking them to be your wedding date just isn’t the right move.

8. Confirm they’re comfortable attending and will have a good time

A wedding is a social affair—and many wedding guests are likely going to know each other. If you’re the only person your plus-one knows, they might feel uncomfortable and out-of-place as everyone chats, mingles, and celebrates the newlyweds’ big day.

And that’s not counting other festivities, like dancing—a pastime that not everyone enjoys (at least with so many strangers around!). If your wedding date isn’t comfortable interacting with other guests—or unashamedly tearing up the dance floor—save the date for another time.

Extra tip: Don’t bring a plus-one if you fancy another wedding guest

Your wedding date likely won’t expect to spend all their time with you at the event, but they probably won’t know anyone else well enough to mingle much without you. If you plan on leaving your plus-one high and dry to pursue another wedding guest, it’s best to leave them at home.

And the kicker? Attending a wedding with a date might make it appear that you’re not available. So if you’ve got your eye on someone else, do everyone a favor by not showing up with a date (and good luck with your wedding crush!).

Also, don’t bring a guest if you’re part of the bridal party

Did your best friend or family member ask you to play an important role on their big day by being part of the bridal party? Though it’s an honor, being part of the bridal party is a big deal—one that means it’s not ideal to bring a wedding date along for the ride.

As a bridesmaid or groomsmen, you’ll have your hands full with making sure everything runs well and the newlyweds have a day they’ll remember for all the right reasons. That means you won’t have much time to spend with your wedding date, so if you’re not in a long and healthy relationship (in which case, your partner would likely be invited to the wedding), plan a date for another time.

A wedding is a big deal, even when you’re not the one tying the knot. And while the big day evokes feelings of romance and love, it’s not the right event for a plus-one if you’re in a new relationship or still getting to know your new partner.