Your loved one’s wedding is coming up and you just received their official invite—and it includes a plus-one. While this is certainly cause for celebration (and many thanks), it can also be tricky. Unless you’re in a steady, established relationship it can be hard to know whether or not you should make someone your plus-one. If you’re in a fresh relationship or just started seeing someone casually, you might be going back and forth about inviting them to a wedding. Here are a few things to consider before you ask someone to be your plus-one.
Exploring a new relationship can be exciting, but it’s too early to ask someone to be your plus-one if you’ve only gone out a few times. For one, you’re likely still making plans with each other a few days in advance. Inviting someone to attend a wedding with you requires commitment and RSVPs—several weeks in advance.
If you’re not sure you’ll still be seeing each other by the day of, don’t ask. It isn’t fair to whoever’s funding the wedding to pay for someone you might not be involved with soon thereafter.
Also, consider that you’re just getting to know each other. You’re still trying to figure out if you have potential. So, it’s probably not ideal to bring them to an event with a bunch of friends and family. Avoid the pressure on both ends and pass.
Similarly, if you’re not in a committed relationship yet, your safest bet is to skip the invite. This helps you to avoid any potential added pressure like the inevitable “are you together?” questions or (perhaps the worst of all) your date flirting with other guests.
Before asking someone who isn’t a close friend to be your plus-one, ask yourself if you would confidently introduce them as your partner or significant other. You should be proud of the person you’re presenting as your date. If you’re not exclusive (or are unsure if that’s the case), perhaps hold off on bringing them into such a big day.
We won’t mince words: Weddings can be overwhelming and exhausting for all involved. They’re often big, emotional affairs and you want to know how your plus one is going to respond to that. If this is your first big event together and you haven’t seen them at anything similar, you don't want to find out how they behave day-of.
Whether it’s emotional conversations or awkward back-and-forths with family, you want to be sure your plus-one will handle it appropriately. We’re not saying they need to be the most charming attendee, but social awareness definitely helps. The impression your date leaves on your loved ones reflects on you, too. If you haven’t seen them in a similar situation, like a holiday celebration or big family dinner, refrain from having them as your plus-one.
A life-of-the-party type can be a lot of fun at a wedding. They can also, potentially, take an open bar too far. It happens. Before making someone your plus-one, you want to know what they’re like around a lot of alcohol in a more formal setting.
Even if you’re attending a casual wedding, you don’t want your plus-one ending up sloppy in front of your friends. That behavior will also distract from your night. They may be a good time at a party, but you want to be sure they can handle alcohol with maturity at a wedding.
Bearing all of this in mind, if you still can’t decide whether to ask, chances are it’s too soon. You should know your plus-one well enough that you can rest assured that you’ll both have a great time—no uncertainties, regrets, or embarrassment involved.
If you’re not there yet, take some time to get to know this person better before bringing them into a celebration of this magnitude. There’s no pressure and, believe us, you’d rather be safe than sorry. Bring your best friend and enjoy your night stress-free.