How to Be Engaged at the Same Time As Your Best Friend

Getting engaged at the same time as your best friend can be amazing ... and tricky. Here's how to manage expectations and be there for your friend as you plan your own wedding.

By Deanna deBara

friends engaged at the same time
Photo by Asya Cusima

There are few things in life more exciting than when your best friend gets engaged. The only exception is likely when you yourself get engaged. Getting engaged at the same time as your best friend, however, well… the jury’s still out.

Getting engaged at the same time can be a seriously fun experience ever. Plus, you also get to be a support system for each other when things get stressful. You’ll know exactly what he or she is going through.

Of course, there can also be challenges that go along with simultaneous best friend engagements. And while those challenges are totally manageable, it’s good to know what they are ahead of time so you can better navigate—and you can both walk down the aisle with your relationship intact.

INLINE LensesAndLaughterPhotography 1080x720 Jess&Brian Photo Credit // Lenses and Laughter Photography

Potential Issues Of Getting Engaged At The Same Time

Obviously, you’re going to be over the moon when your best friend gets engaged. If it happens right around the same time that you and your partner get engaged, however, it could bring some things up for you (and, potentially, for your BFF).

Some of the potential challenges of getting engaged at the same time as your best friend can include:

  • Scheduling conflicts. Dress shopping. Bridal showers. Bachelorette/Bachelor weekends. There are so many events that go along with getting married—and if you and your best friend get engaged at the same time, there might be some scheduling conflicts with events falling on the same day.
  • Trouble balancing your wedding and being a part of their wedding. There’s a certain level of responsibility that goes along with being in a wedding party. And if you’re in your best friend’s wedding party, it can be challenging to balance those responsibilities with planning your own wedding.
  • Struggle with sharing the spotlight. Getting engaged is a moment in life where you expect to be the center of attention. But when your best friend gets engaged at the same time, that means sharing the attention—which, for some, can be challenging.

How To Balance Both

Luckily, any potential issues that come up when you and your BFF get engaged at the same time are totally manageable. With a little effort, you can enjoy planning your own wedding and celebrating your best friend’s upcoming nuptials. Here are a few tips to help navigate the tandem planning process:

Talk about dates ASAP.

One of the biggest potential challenges of getting engaged at the same time as your best friend is scheduling a big event (like an engagement party or bridal shower) on the same day as an event in honor of your best friend.

Sit down with your best friend as early as possible and talk about the dates you’re considering for your major wedding events, including your engagement party, wedding shower, bachelorette or bachelor party, and your actual wedding date. If there’s any overlap, talk about why those dates are important to you (for example, it’s the only weekend your grandparents can make the trip out to celebrate your engagement) and see if either of you has any wiggle room.

Set expectations.

If you’re in your best friend’s wedding party, you want to be as involved as possible. However, you’re also going to be in the midst of planning one your own wedding. So, it’s important to set expectations from the get-go.

When your best friend asks you to be in their wedding (and vice versa), have an honest conversation about how available you can be during the process. For example, do you have the capacity to plan the bachelorette weekend—or would it be better to let your best friend’s sister take over? If your best friend is having a destination wedding, are you going to have the cash to fly out for the event—or is all of your budget going to be put towards your own wedding?

Be cognizant of his or her dilemmas, as well. Fortunately, you’ll be well aware of the scheduling and financial conflicts from your own perspective. So, be gentle if he or she can’t make one of your events, too. Setting expectations upfront will help prevent hurt feelings as the wedding gets closer.

INLINE EicharPhotography 1080x720 Monica&Emir (1) Photo Credit // Eichar Photography

Let your best friend have the spotlight at their events.

Getting engaged is exciting and chances are, you want to talk about your engagement and upcoming wedding. But if you’re attending a wedding-related event for your best friend, it’s important to let the event be about them.

If you’re at an event celebrating your best friend and partner and someone asks you about your engagement or wedding, you can (obviously) share a few details—but don’t spend the whole night talking about it.

Let your best friend be the center of attention at their wedding events—and, hopefully, they’ll show you the same respect.

Talk about your feelings—and cut each other some slack.

Planning a wedding can be an emotionally charged time. With emotions running high, it can be easier for feelings to get hurt—even if you and your best friend have a more solid relationship than most.

So, it’s important that you get your feelings out into the open. If your best friend upsets you—for example, by being so wrapped up in their wedding that they don’t ask about yours—talk about it. Ignoring it or pushing it down is only going to lead to resentment and, potentially, to a big blowout.

That said, it’s also important to cut each other some slack. Showing some empathy and compassion for your best friend will go a long way. So, if you’re upset that he or she is considering a very similar color for her bridesmaid dresses, ask yourself “in the grand scheme of things, does this really matter?” And if the answer is no, move on.

It’s super exciting when your best friend gets engaged. It’s super exciting when you get engaged. And now that you know exactly how to navigate simultaneous engagements, it will be super exciting if you and your BFF get engaged at the same time!

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