Zola’s Wedding Etiquette Guide, Based on What Couples Actually Want

Let's get real about wedding etiquette. Nobody wants to be engaged to someone who’s phoning it in with wedding planning. And nobody wants to be the guest who upsets an engaged couple. Here's the scoop on what's totally cool and what's considered a no-go.

Wedding Green Lights

Planning Power Moves

• Tag Team With Planning: Being engaged means you’re part of a team. Gone are the days when one person calls all the shots. 97% of couples getting married in 2025 say both partners should have equal say in the vision for the big day.
• Early Birds Get The Venues: If you’re already scanning Pinterest – and building elaborate boards – for your dream wedding before you even get the ring, you're not alone. 57% of couples say it's cool to start planning before the official proposal happens.
• Anyone Can Pop the Question: Popping the question is for lovers, so anyone should be able to do it. 8% of people said they counter proposed to their partner, and 8% said they wish they did.

The Unwritten Rules

• RSVP Anxiety? Don't Sweat It: Can't make it to the wedding? The bach party? The goodbye brunch? Take a breath. More than 90% of couples say it's totally fine to decline an invite.
• Give a Heads Up: If you RSVP “no” to a wedding, but you can’t attend, let the couple know. 9% of people we surveyed said they’ve RSVP’d yes to a wedding they ended up not attending. Not cool. Really.
• Rock That Red Dress: Red isn’t the devil – when it comes to weddings, at least. 74% of the people we surveyed gave a thumbs up to wearing red to a wedding. You won’t take away attention from the couple (as long as you behave yourself at the open bar).

Show Me The Money

• Cash Is King: 95% of the people we surveyed say it's totally fine to ask for cash gifts, which is great news because that’s what most people want. Trust us. Your guests might even thank you for not making them choose between a toaster and an espresso machine.

Wedding Red Flags

The Big No-Nos

• White Dress Drama: Unless you want to go viral – in a bad way – don't wear white as a wedding guest. It’s still not cool, and it will probably never be cool. 95% of 2025 couples still consider wearing white to a wedding the ultimate wedding guest sin.
• The Surprise Plus-One: Adding someone you’re hooking up with to your RSVP? Or your neighbor who became your BFF? Think again. 82% say that's a hard no. Yes, even if your plus one is "really cool and won't eat much."
• The Kid Situation: If the invite doesn't mention your little ones, 76% of people say let it go. Don't push it. Not every couple dreams of having an adorable kid crash their first dance.

Pro Tips for Playing It Cool

For Couples

• Be Crystal Clear: Want an adults-only wedding? Say it. Cash preferred? Say it. No long, embarrassing toasts during dinner? Let it be known.
• Take No For An Answer: When a potential wedding guest declines, try to avoid taking it personally. It probably isn’t about you, and even if it is, you have plenty of other things to focus on.
• The Thank You Note Debate: Keep It Old School: Despite living in the digital age, 54% of wedding guests still prefer to receive a handwritten thank yous over a quick text. Afterall, it means more.

For Guests

• When In Doubt, Ask: Not sure if the silver dress you’re planning on wearing counts as white? Ask the couple. Not sure if your emotional support animal counts as a plus one? Definitely ask the couple.
• Be a Smart Gifter: Couples register for a reason. Don’t shop off the registry. Engaged couples already made a roadmap for what they want, and they don’t need fifteen versions of the same cheeseboard.

Bottom Line

Wedding etiquette is always evolving, but some rules have stayed golden. Keep it respectful, communicate clearly, and remember that at the end of the day, it's about celebrating love (and enjoying yourself on the dance floor). Just don't wear white. Seriously.