Pop the Questions with Shelby Wax

We sat down with Shelby Wax (AKA @shelbywax)—a contributing writer for Vogue and wedding consultant in New York City. Shelby is teaming up with Zola for our new series "Pop the Questions" to help couples and guests alike with their most pressing wedding questions. In this Q&A, Shelby shares her front-row look at the industry’s hottest trends, how to navigate tricky guest situations, and perfecting the ultimate wedding gift.

Got your own wedding dilemmas to dish out? Join Zola’s r/PoptheQuestions community on Reddit to get real advice from couples just like you. Wax will also host a live AMA in Zola’s subreddit on Monday, October 27. Stay tuned!

As someone who writes about weddings for publications like Vogue, you have the opportunity to cover everything from trends and etiquette to gorgeous real weddings. What do you love to write about the most and why?

One thing I absolutely love is a rom-com, and what is better than being able to tell someone's love story? Not to mention, all the hard work that they put into their wedding, their day, and just telling that story and sending it off to the world.

You also have a front-row seat to all of the latest wedding trends. What are the top 3 trends you’re noticing heading into 2026?

Individuality and personalization is the number one thing I'm seeing. Whether they're choosing fashion that their mother wore, personalized matches with a phrase they say to each other all the time, or this is what we ate on our first date and now we're going to serve it at the after-party. Those small things are really nice details that make your wedding and your story translate more to your guests.

There's also definitely a move towards very whimsical and sculptural florals. I'm doing it in my own wedding!

Drapery, as well. It's a great way to transform a space. It can cover unsightly walls, exit signs, pretty much anything that you don't want to see.

There’s a trend towards wanting to have a more intimate wedding—but there's always the issue of narrowing down the guest list. What's your take on how couples can plan a more intimate affair if they are worried about who they need to invite?

Max capacity of a venue dictates everything, and that is the trick if you want to get the guest count down. That way, you can politely tell people, "We would absolutely love to celebrate with you in some other way, but our venue has some limitations, so we're only having a very small group with us."

What’s one underrated wedding detail you think couples should pay more attention to?

Guest hospitality. It really comes down to making your guests feel comfortable. I think when everyone leaves a wedding, if you're a guest, you think, "Did I feel taken care of?"

Those are the small things that really make a difference. You should think about how people are experiencing your day.

What mistakes do you see couples make most often in planning?

Budget is probably the most important thing, and one thing most people don't factor into their budgets is tipping. The majority of your vendors need to be tipped, and that adds 10 to 20% to your overall budget.

We know that sometimes, an invite can come with a crazy dress code. What is your suggestion for couples who are deciding on what their dress code should be, and for guests who have no idea how to decode what is on the invite?

Think about time and place. Creating mood boards is very helpful. Ask yourself: Does it feel appropriate for the venue and does it feel appropriate for the season?

Bridal fashion has exploded in terms of options beyond the “traditional” dress. What excites you most in this space?

The embrace of multiple looks. Bridal designers are really creating fun options, as well as ready-to-wear designers. Corsetry has been a bit of a trend for a while now, but I think designers are finding really fun ways to make their brides and grooms feel absolutely snatched.

Specifically, what were your fave bridal fashion trends coming down the runway this year?

My final favorite bridal trend these days is timeless with a twist. I think there are so many amazing designers that are creating things that feel like that classic princessy ball gown you've dreamed of, yet still really modern—whether it's creating some organic movement in the design, or finding some little details that make it special.

Any hints as to what your own bridal attire will look like?

I have too many looks. My mom has expressed some concern, but I have different looks for different parts of the day. I even have a little something blue thrown in there at one point.

How are you are your partner coordinating the styling of your looks?

I've essentially become her bridal stylist in a way, and I've gone to appointments with her. I think in terms of coordination, we do think about tones a little bit more.

Has being a bride in a same-sex relationship shaped the way you think about certain wedding traditions? Which traditions are you keeping, reinventing, or letting go of entirely?

We are both from a Jewish background, so we're both going to break the glass at the end of the ceremony. Both going to have our parents walk us down the aisle together. Traditionally a wedding is a bit more of a patriarchal thing, and you really can play with what it is if you are in a same-sex relationship.

What can allies do to make LGBTQ+ couples feel supported, both in personal relationships and in the broader wedding space?

If you are a vendor and you want to show support for queer couples, I think it's really important to have that verbiage on your website. Say you support all weddings. Writing emails to people, don't make assumptions of “bride and groom.” And then, if you're a guest at a wedding—check in on couples. Especially today, I think there's a lot of things going against our rights to be able to be married at this time, and, as news comes out, I think it's really nice for people to actually check in on you. I think we often see more of those check-ins from within our own community, and other people are not as aware, so just be conscious and know what people are going through.

If you could describe your wedding aesthetic in three words, what would they be?

Whimsical, Brooklyn, dance party.

What’s one Vogue-worthy splurge you’re glad you made for your wedding?

The biggest splurge on our wedding is for flowers. There are so many things a floral designer can do, and if you really want to transform a space, florals are the number one thing.

Wedding gift you absolutely need to receive.

One thing we're really excited about is the cash fund. We have a fund for our honeymoon flights to Thailand, which are going to be amazing. In the past, some people have thought cash funds might be a little gauche, but I actually spoke to the great-great-granddaughter of Emily Post, and she says they are allowed now. So, everyone know—it's okay!

Go-to wedding gift to give?

I have some friends that I love going over to their homes for dinner parties, and if I can find great plates or something where I know we're all going to experience it together in the future, I think that's a really fun gift.