When you’re planning a wedding, a wedding or bridal party is a very common element. But it you’re an openly queer couple and planning an LGBTQ+ wedding party, there are a few things you'll want to keep in mind.

The bridal party can play a big role in the wedding and who you choose to ask can set the tone for the wedding overall. Here are five tips for helping you create your LGBTQ+ wedding party.

Let Go of Expectations

As you’re planning your wedding party, try to keep in mind who you want to be in it and what role you want them to play. Try to choose folks who you can count on, but remember that everyone does things a little differently. Keeping that in mind and asking people who will show up for you in the way you want is key. Still, don’t hold your bridal party to unrealistic expectations. This will only lead to disappointment. When you’re able to take some of the pressure off, everyone (including you!) will be better able to enjoy the special day.

Stop Caring What Other People Think

You want to ask people who are special to you and will appreciate and understand why you are asking them to show up for you in this way. When you’re asking someone to be in your bridal party, it should be about your special relationship with that person and nothing else. It doesn't matter what your new in-laws or other friends may think, it’s your wedding.

While it may be harder said than done, not focusing on what other people think is going to help you in more ways than one. This way you can stop thinking about whether you are pleasing other people and you can focus on what matters most to you and your partner on your big day.

Focus on the People and Not Gender Presentation

People are what matter the most, especially the kinds of people who will show up for you no matter what. While someone may present as traditionally “feminine,” they may not identify in that way or even dress that way. However people choose to express their gender presentations is their own call. It might not be what you or other people expect, but appearances aren't what matters.

Depending on how people choose to express this, try not to focus on that or the clothes. Focus on the people who are in your bridal party and how they are there to support you and your partner.

Let People Be Who They Are

When it comes to gender identity and expression, there are lots of ways people identify. Part of understanding this is creating a space within your relationship, as well as a social space where people feel safe, supported, and comfortable enough to be who they are.

When it comes to a bridal party, letting people express this is also equally important. While certain people may have colors or specific ideas of what they want their bridal party to wear, sometimes it's easier to give people some loose parameters about what you'd like and then let them go from there.

Try to Avoid Gender Norms

Given the various ways people identify, having a bridal party that doesn't rely on gender norms is a great way to go. This will take the pressure off and also help foster a space where people are free to be who they are. It can also help you to think about how you want to organize your wedding and make you think about it in a new way.