McKinley & Asher
Wedding Party
Sterling Bindel
Maid of Honor
The Washington Post described her as “a magnificent tsunami capable of drowning out even the most fortified notions of what young women are capable of enduring -- and what they are capable of creating as a result of such tribulations.” TIME went on to say that her rumored biological father could have been Elvis Presley, but it was more likely Rod Sterling. NPR perhaps described her most aptly by saying that “she is a modern-day samurai molded by fire; her cutting wit and keen eye for bullshit makes her one of the most formidable writers, poets, critics, and interior decorators of our time.” My friendship with Sterling has witnessed many dangers, and while I am occasionally granted the extraordinary privilege of being able to help her do housework whenever her hands aren’t working properly (probably from fist fighting marketing representatives of The New Yorker), she has saved me from countless enemies, both internal and external. She is a phoenix who folded me under her wing when I was struggling to stay afloat amidst the rapids of manipulative men and youth. With unparalleled warmth, humor, wisdom, compassion, dry practicality, and creative talent, she is a pal whom I will be very proud to stand alongside at the altar as she serves as my Maid of Honor.
Ivan Kahn
Best Man
International man of mystery Ivan Islam Khan was once described to Asher as a being who moves in a straight line, using only the minimum power needed to survive. When he encounters an obstacle, he grows in size, power, and intelligence until he reaches the level needed to effortlessly overcome it; once he does, he returns to his original state, moving in silence, leaving no trace of anything that once stood in his way. Despite his boundless power, Ivan moves with grace and kindness. He exemplifies the type of leadership that inspires others to follow his banner into the uttermost bowels of human experience. He's terrifically organized (which means a lot, coming from Asher), well-dressed, and his regard for his fellow humans has pierced many a stone heart. He gets risotto right on the first try. Ivan is a ninja who uses his powers to improve the lives of the people around him, often in complete secrecy; his only reward is his own smile when he hears Asher go to take out the trash and discover that he's too late. "Son of a bitch," Asher calls out, knowing he's been bested once again. Somewhere, floating in incorporeal darkness, Ivan smiles.
Molly Corbley
Bridesmaid
It is rumored that Molly is secretly the drag racing queen of Appalachia, blazing past souped up hot rods in a go kart; others whisper that she once out-drank André the Giant as they were shooting pool; others say that when she was first learning to ride a jet ski, she somehow succeeded in taking it all the way around the world (I thought I heard her curse in Mandarin one time when she believed no one was around, but I can neither confirm nor deny this rumor.) A princess of the lake, a hostess with the mostest, and a tough-as-nails partygoer, I have never known such a badass to have such a kind heart. I first met Molly in kindergarten and was immediately endeared to her sweet disposition and elegant confidence. After many years of scheming, I succeeded in helping to nudge her into marriage with my brother Jack Corbley so she would be a part of our family forever, and they are both very good sports about how I never let them hear the end of it. As a sister, longtime friend, and comrade-in-arms, I am honored to have Molly as a bridesmaid at my wedding.
Ben Breuninger
Groomsman
The man, the myth, the mayor of Cincinnati, Ben is a lifetime achievement awardee in the garden of keeping it weird. From disrupting CTY talent shows with The Second Number 7 (both as campers and as RAs) to holding down a shared love for Phish and The Grateful Dead across multiple decades, Ben and Asher's friendship has always made the people around them go, "yeah, man." Asher has Ben to thank for Peep Show, Capella pizza, and the assurance that you can go to Phish shows and still have a life worth living. Like Asher, Ben worked in radio for years - when you see him at the wedding, ask him about the Chumbawumba CDs - and, like Asher, he remains a connoisseur of all that is funky fresh. They've shared the stage in small-town Maryland bars, the floor of Madison Square Garden, and one fraught hike up Hawk Watch in Carlisle, PA when the car keys disappeared. In Asher's moments of deepest questioning, Ben has acted as a patient and accepting sounding board, opening his doors and mind without hesitation, and for his friendship Asher is eternally grateful.
Hannah Beckett
Bridesmaid
Not all heroes wear capes, but this one has always wielded a tuning hammer; meanwhile, I have looked up to her from the sidelines, mouth agape in admiration, adoration, and love. 6 months into COVID, I found myself in the throes of trying to make some kind of career out of music when I cold-emailed Hannah and asked if she was able to teach me, a total stranger, about piano technology. In the years that have followed this first encounter, Hannah has become my mentor, older sibling, and fearless leader who has led our revolutionary charge to upset the archaic industry of piano technology with tireless bravery, integrity, conviction, and gusto. My story is not even that unique -- Hannah's endless patience, support, encouragement, experience, and teachings have given wings to the careers of at least a dozen other similarly adoring piano technicians in the area. There have been at least three instances in our time together that I have unironically prepared to follow Hannah into verbal conflict by quoting one of our shared favorite movies, The Fellowship of the Ring, but with a key difference in the wording: "I will follow you to the end, my captain... my queen." Long may she rule at my side as my bridesmaid, mentor, captain, and queen.
Ezra Lapidus
Groomsman
Hey... Long have Ezra and Asher fought side-by-side in the eternal war that pits the guitar against the human mind. When they're not busy researching buttery overdrives to sell at The Tone Store, you can find Ezra and Asher quoting entire paragraphs of Beatles movies at each other, lovingly studying videos of Stevie Ray Vaughan, and honing their skills in the wonderful world of freestyle rap. Ezra and Asher have been friends for nearly twenty years. Their bond grew out of the fantasy role-playing game Dark Age, an invention that Asher brought to the Fairfax Jewish community in lieu of being allowed to play 'actual' D&D, and which is still played to this day by young Virginians who have no idea of its origins. Ezra is a stalwart: an OG witness to the powers of unbridled creativity that can suffuse a group of young people in search of a good time. Ezra is a multifaceted guy with a depths of skills in a breadth of areas. Want to identify a strange tree? Ezra's your man. Want to learn to shred the blues? Ezra's your man. Want to approach a nuanced social situation with thoughtfulness and balance? Ezra's your man. Which makes Asher all the more touched to call Ezra his [grooms]man in this setting. Long may their flat 5s ring out in discordant harmony. ...man.
Erin Florence
Bridesmaid
Erin and I were probably just 4 years old when we both found ourselves to be the only ones playing with the rubber dinosaurs during preschool recess time spent indoors. When spent outdoors, we both found ourselves atop the giant purple plastic triceratops on the playground, charging into the depths of imaginary adventure. It turns out that such an early shared love of adventure is the Chemical X secret ingredient of a lifelong friendship, because Erin and I have been pals ever since. I've watched Erin transcend the phases of her life with awe and admiration, for she is an intrepid and compassionate soul who underwent the unfathomable ordeal of nursing school; faced down emotional tribulations with courage; and surrounded herself with the most devoted group of female friends whom I have ever met (they call themselves the "Seashell Sisters" because of their shared seashell tattoos -- I am very proud to say that I was named an Honorary Coral for becoming a proximal friend to their incredible posse!) Now, whenever I find myself in Richmond, I make sure to visit my former roommate as well as her husband RJ Hale, and their three cats: Linda, Mochi, and Sugar.
Chaim Shulman
Groomsman
Ask any of Asher's high school teachers -- if you can find any who aren't in a cell or a sanatorium -- and they'll tell you that he wasn't always easy to teach. While his mind was open to new ideas, he was a cynical adolescent, and proved unyielding to even the most patient of educators. One of the brave few who got through to him was no teacher, but a fellow classmate. To a young Asher, it was Chaim Shulman who opened the doors to men's fashion, rock and roll drumming, cologne, and numerous classic comedies that Asher's parents had deemed "too rated R". Like Asher, Chaim spent his time learning to effortlessly reproduce his favorite classic rock and modern punk music on piano, guitar, bass, and drums. Alongside fellow rocker-in-the-making Josh Simon, they tore up each other's families' basements for days, burning through spirited covers of everything from Ozzy to Reel Big Fish. In Israel, too, they walked parallel paths. As Asher was making art and courting enlightenment in the chicken farms of Beit Meir, Chaim was joining the Israeli army and exploring what it meant to be a solider, a citizen, and a man. Throughout their tumultuous tenures in the Holy Land, they always came together to play music, go to the beach, and celebrate life, wherever it may take them. Chaim is a true comrade - never judgmental, with a great momentum that propels him forward into the future without reservation. Asher is lucky to call him a friend, a groomsman, and a bandmate for life.
Caitlin Barbieri
Bridesmaid
Caitlin must have been wearing her trademark 5-inch stilettos when she figuratively kicked the door into McKinley's heart and made a home there with her sidesplitting sense of humor, sophisticated worldview, wry wisdom, green thumb, and fierce loyalty to those she called friends. She has taught McKinley about the secret joys of botany; she has kept her company into the wee hours of weeknight ruminating; she has given her the nonstop gift of laughter and Italian warmth that hits McKinley's eyes like a big pizza pie -- in short, it's always been amore. McKinley has been proud of watch Caitlin rise through the ranks of emergency management and become a supervisor for a team of young people who are all equally as awed to watch their leader ground-and-pound the state's biggest emergencies into submission. Similarly to Wonder Woman's lasso of truth, Caitlin's immaculately manicured nails are always gleaming with righteous justice as she conquers life's obstacles with a brisk wave of her finger. Since Caitlin has also been present for some of the most formative years of Asher and McKinley's relationship, it is their honor to have her stand alongside them at the altar as they enter this exciting new chapter of their lives.
Hassan Alsawalhi
Groomsman
Voted "Most Likely To Make Your New Friends Leave The Room" 12 years in a row, Hassan is a beautiful agent of chaos, a man of multifarious skills, and as fierce a friend as they come. Tell me who else you know who's built a bar, designs aquariums, shreds the banjo and the blues harp, and fills a room with life just by walking in. When adventure calls, Hassan is there to jump on its back and ride it precariously into the sunset, bucking dangerously and delivering an impassioned critique of the American political system the whole way. On top of their musical camaraderie, Hassan and Asher both enjoyed (wrong word) careers in restaurant management. They share a special bond of contempt for the public, inextricably mixed with the desire to show people a good time. We can only hope that their combined forces at this wedding will prevail in the latter. Truly, it is Asher's honor to have Hassan by his side on this fateful day. Hassan and Asher have a lifetime of friendship ahead of them, which they both agree will culminate in creating peace in the Middle East, and then opening up a seaside restaurant with live music every night.
Isidore David Horowitz
Officiant
If you can see him coming, it's already too late.