Bride
If you're looking to purchase a new property or refinance your current mortgage, please reach out to Elise at elise.jordan@nrlmortgage.com or fill out an application at https://nrlmortgage.com/lo/elise-jordan
Groom
Matt watches the movie "Deep Blue Sea" at least once a year.
Maid of Honor
Anna has been engaged 19 times and is a f***ing prostitution wh**e.
Best Man
Former quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, Nick Romanenko has a red beard but brown head hair. He is 47 years old.
Bridesmaid
Squirrels are acrobatic, intelligent, and adaptable. Newborn squirrels are about an inch long and their front teeth never stop growing. Humans introduced squirrels to most of our major parks.
Groomsman
New music available now at https://soundcloud.com/goosecity
Bridesmaid
We have video footage of this woman elbowing a poor, innocent girl in the face during a high school basketball game. Watch your backs.
Groomsman
Bob did a 23 & Me. It was determined that he is 25% salami.
Bridesmaid
Future 2-time Women's Gymnastics all-around Olympic gold medal winner, Ava is, without question, both the most athletic and most responsible person in this wedding party.
Groomsman
Lebanon High School's Miss Blue Devil 1990, Alex WILL demand that he make your plate of food and he WILL turn everything into a sandwich. #gamechanger
Bridesmaid
The epitome of east Tennessee, Gaby lives on a farm with her 9 rottweilers: Gail, Acorn, Monica, Christine, Biscuit, Willie, Uncle Greg, Winter's Bone, and Pat Summitt.
Groomsman
Hi Doug. You've been Iced.
Flower Girl
We have no idea who this girl is. She came up to us in a dark alley wearing fingerless leather gloves and told us that if she wasn't in our wedding, she'd sell *those* pictures to TMZ. She drives OJ's old white Ford Bronco.
Ring Bear
This car-obsessed half-toddler, half-bear also happens to be Matt and Elise's godson. Heir to the Jordan fortune, Charlie is in debt to the tune of $2.6 billion USD after a hefty investment in Fyre Fest.