Wedding Party
Ruby
Best Woman
Ruby is, without question, the best and goodest girl. We adopted her in 2020 without knowing she was a senior OR a border collie (oops!) and adjusting to her preferred lifestyle has kept us active, happy, and full of constant love and marveling at her impeccable manners and desire to take care of us. Last year Daphne was hit by a truck while walking Ruby, and despite Ruby also taking the impact she didn't run away and stayed right near Daphne the whole time - there's a reason one of our nicknames from her is "perfect angel from God." Our cats would easily leave us for dead tbh so it's nice to know there's at least SOMEONE IN THE HOUSE WHO CARES.
Fievel
Ring Bearer
The rest of the wedding party, our cats, will be listed in order of Least Worst to Most Worst, starting with our sweet orange guy Fievel. Fievel is a sweet and kind gentleman who is very big, and if he causes problems or chaos (as is often the case) he doesn't know what he's doing and therefore doesn't mean it. His favorite thing in the world is to cuddle and he also gives kisses! He is a perfectly innocent and sweet orange gentleman and we've almost forgiven him for the times he causes property damage because he doesn't realize his own strength and rips something off the wall or hinges.
Josephine
Bridesmaid
Look at this divine fluffy darling who purrs the loudest! She started out SO TINY and now she is BIG but she still has that kitten belly! Don’t you just adore her 😍 Hey wait though why are you stalking my hands and feet EXCUSE ME ow those are claws yeesh. Awww look you are so soft and fluffy and I just have to kiss you and OW CLAWS FACE but how can you possibly resist this faaaaace
Maya
Bridesmaid
Maya is the most intense cat we have ever met. She is a melty Velcro baby who climbs on people with her claws and dearly wants to be smooshed into a pancake, like I constantly am adjusting in my office chair only to realize she has wedged herself in behind me. She sneaks under blankets and yoga mats and watches water like a lion watches a gazelle; she enters the bathtub while the showerhead is running so she can stand behind its stream and watch the water spray down and flow to the drain. She screams out of nowhere inexplicably and scares the bejesus out of us. Truly one of the most fascinating creatures.
Millie
Candle Lighter
We put Millie as Candle Lighter because yesterday we noticed three of her whiskers were singed and we have absolutely no idea how, since we hadn't lit any candles or used the stove. She probably burned them while being STINKY and GARBAGE because she is a STINKY GARBAGE TRASH CAT. This is not euphemistic language, like how someone might say "this movie stinks!" or "it was such garbage!" Millie quite literally is a garbage trash cat - she is absolutely obsessed with the idea of eating garbage, and she quite literally is stinky, because when she eats garbage - which, were we to not intervene, would be a 24 hour activity - she has digestive problems. When we went to the animal shelter to adopt a cat we walked in and heard a cat absolutely SCREAMING her head off, like WAILING, and when we went over to her cage she began purring while still screaming. We were like "oh that's so cute" and when we brought her home and put her in our bathroom for a slow intro to the other cats the first thing she did was begin clawing her way out from under the bathroom door like it was Alcatraz and she was tunneling her way to freedom. Our bathroom door has a semicircular tunnel she gouged into it at the base, and will not sit correctly on the hinges because after she got bored of tunneling she just started slamming her body against the door over and over in an attempt to break it down. And that was OUR FIRST TWO HOURS WITH HER. I could go on, but this section has a character limit. She's AWFUL.