Bride
5 foot 3, will be in a big dress not doing much. Will tell you how many pull-ups she used to be able to do, unprompted.
Groom
Human height with questionable hairline, will be in a suit and may approach you to plan escape to Kippilaw Golf Club
Ring Bearer
Corgi, dog-height. Purely honourary position as he doesn't have thumbs.
Usher
Dog height, golden retriever. A purely honourary role, as he slobbers uncontrollably and has no recall.
Mother of the Bride
5 foot 3, will looking for all of her neighbours we lied about inviting. Please tell her that she's 'actually just missed Nicola' and you think 'Richard's just popped to the loo'.
Mother of the Groom
Human height, will be assisting an as of yet unknown number of elderly Malaysians to avoid them ending up in Glasgow.
Father of the Bride
Human height, will tell you how many pull-ups he can do, unprompted.
Father of the Groom
Human height, Shetlander, will possibly be in a boiler suit and trying to mend things (we have been promised that it's a *new* boiler suit though).
Best Man
Human height, Unintelligible Glaswegian (Shetlander). Will never be without a bottle of Budweiser in his hand
Groomsman
Yorkshireman, taller than Laurence, will be attempting to control a feral corgi
Groomsman
Human height, Shetlander, will probably have the best haircut
Maid of Honor
Human height, will be panicking about the icing stability of the wedding cake we've forced her to make.
Bridesmaid
5 foot 3, looks like Caitlin, allergic to gluten.
Bridesmaid
Human height, will be trying to get Caitlin to do things
Bridesmaid
Human height, will be comparing every minute of this experience to the wedding venue/ bar she separately works at
Bridesmaid
Human height, will be trying to get Emilie to stop comparing it to the wedding venue/ bar she also works at.