Bride
Always two bites away from a stomach ache
Groom
Waiting to upload his brain to the cloud
Maid of Honor
Can recite baby milestones like sports stats
Best Man
Would trade a million dollars for a good cookie
Bridesmaid
Prefers her offspring to be digital, well-programmed, and artificial
Groomsman
Stuck believing he’s Gucci mane in 2006
Bridesmaid
Uses honking and chasing cars as her cardio routine
Groomsman
200 jr chickens in debt from losing a FIFA match to Nathan
Bridesmaid
Fashion icon, and champion of the world’s most average looking guys
Groomsman
Too reliable to be trusted
Bridesmaid
Would probably adopt a stray telemarketer if they sounded sad enough
Groomsman
Always about 30 minutes behind his own schedule