First Grade 1995 Britney notices the rat tail on the kid at the front of the line (Hint: It’s Mike!). That kid is able to tell time on an analog clock and is immediately flagged for a gifted program and promptly transfers schools - Britney thinks nothing of it. The Year Was 2002 Britney takes notice as a now 13 year old Mike (sans rat tail) correctly answers “the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” in Mr. Woodward’s science class. Their eyes lock and sparks fly, and it’s not just from the Bunsen burner Mike is handling irresponsibly. An interest quickly develops, and goes about as well as an early high school relationship could. Notes were passed, hands were held, and boners were tucked into waistbands. Facebook relationship statuses eventually change, but the feelings never die. Fast Forward To 2012 Britney spontaneously joins Kelly to visit Trent & Ben in San Francisco. On the way to Golden Gate Bridge, Trent slams on his brakes to avoid hitting a man that runs into the street to retrieve a soccer ball (we're talkin' millimeters). The man looks up, and to everyone’s astonishment it’s Mike! (who no one thought to invite). Britney, near the end of her rope from hours of acoustic guitar and hiking, texts Mike to meet up later that night. After catching up, Mike suggests Britney return to SF to experience a different side of the city. A Month Later Britney returns to SF for a crazy weekend filled with breakdancing at an Irish pub, death dogs outside Booty SF nightclub, all you can eat sushi, and zero hours of acoustic guitar. Those long-buried feelings from 10 years prior begin to resurface. A Couple Weeks Later The flame fully ignites in Seattle over Halloween. After a dance-fueled night in Fremont, Mike (Steve Urkel) asks Britney (Amber Rose) if she wants to move to SF. Britney says yes, and the agreement was solidified by the two witnesses present – Kelly (Esmeralda) and the statue of Vladimir Lenin they were all eating falafels in front of.

After years of dating and over two years of full-time international backpacking - which included a botched proposal attempt in a Bolivian salt flat (don't bring this up to Chris…or do) - Mike knew his proposal needed to be one for the ages. In 2020, he took Britney up to Bellingham, WA with the intention of proposing on a night kayaking trip to see bioluminescence (glowing plankton). He'd planned everything out - sourced the ring from a supplier in Hong Kong, memorized the moon calendar, and organized the accommodations & tour. Promptly after arriving, the guide cancelled as her entire family caught COVID. She suggested a nearby secluded location called Teddy Bear Cove as an alternative place to try and see bioluminescence and go through with the proposal. Upon arrival, Mike was slightly relieved as this spot looked like the quiet, romantic setting he'd wanted for the proposal. That relief was short-lived as they descended down the pathway, towards a growing level of noise, until finally stumbling into a 30+ person college campfire rager. With no other option, they awkwardly danced their way through the party and up to the shore, undressed, and slowly waded out into the 50 degree water away from the sound of freshmen shotgunning their first beers, a full blown fire, and the subtle beats of Kendrick Lamar. Treading in the freezing water, they finally saw the bioluminescence, and Mike began his prepared 10 minute speech that would culminate in his proposal. He was quickly cut off when Britney shouted "Oh man, I almost sharted it's so cold". Despite this setback, Mike powered through this adversity and proposed. The excitement in Britney's face was illuminated by the glowing plankton as she screamed "Yes"! After soaking in the moment, they returned to shore, got dressed, sank a final cup in beer pong, and then retired back to the standard Pacific Northwest accommodations - the back seat of their Subaru. Truly magical!