Groom
Proficiently skilled in all things firearms. Ginger Hair and Ginger Soul. Coors Light connoisseur. Eats meat with his bare hands. Grunts often. Will show you his tickets to the gun show.
Bride
Nearly deaf and frequently confused. Never knows what to do with her hands. A strangely introverted people-person. 100 percent chance she will make things awkward.
Officiant
A modern day Paul Bunyan with a heavy southern accent and an unhealthy love for Alabama football.
Matron of Honor
Reigning Nicest Person on Planet since 1982. Care Bears were inspired by her. Keeper of Tristi’s secrets. Not the Asian.
Best Man
Skilled conversationalist that has never met a stranger. Never breaks eye contact during a firm handshake. Girl dad.
Bridesmaid
Voice of an Angel. Will take your joke literally. Isn’t sorry for her feelings. Will cry the entire wedding.
Groomsman
Blue belt in both Jujitsu and useless trivia. Only watches Mythbusters and A&M football. Has no problem correcting you.
Bridesmaid
Isn’t afraid to hurt your feelings. Will reorganize your house if she desires. Hugs without permission.
Groomsman
Rugged with a love for the outdoors. Ruthless joke teller. Says “dang” when he no longer cares about your story.
Bridesmaid
Socially awkward. Never on time. Jillian Michael’s personal trainer. Will make you uncomfortable.
Groomsman
Sucker for the long goodbye. Double taps your hood before you drive off. If you don’t agree with him, he will explain to you why you’re an idiot. Opinionated yet considerate.
Groomsman
Professional Storyteller. Occasional cowboy. Tristi’s childhood crush. She was 8. We are confident she has moved on.
Bridesmaid
Rapunzel is jealous of her hair. A combination of sunshine and Red Bull. Can and will squat you.
Groomsman
Award winning chicken fried steak maker. Ornery and clever jester. Considers CNN a Scyfy channel.
Special Guest Performer
Captain of the Witty Come-Backs Committee. The Master of the Monologue. Writes things. Never passes on tasteful champagne.