Married on June 26th, 2020. Missing you always.

Ashlyn flew home from Dallas, TX for Memorial Day weekend May 2019 and begged Stephanie to take her and the dogs to the beach in Santa Barbara. As they were walking on the beach with their dogs, Ashlyn asked Stephanie if they could sit on a blanket and lay on the beach (part of the plan). Stephanie immediately refused and argued the dogs needed to run around first. Ashlyn pleaded, "Please let's just sit on the blanket, it's all I wanted to do this weekend!" Stephanie sat down in a huff. Ashlyn called their dog Dallas over to them and asked Stephanie if she noticed she had ordered them new dog tags. Dallas' dog tag read, "Mama, will you marry my other Mama?" Ashlyn presented the ring and asked if Stephanie was going to say yes. Dudley's tag read, "She said yes!!!" They hugged and cried and laughed and then Dudley immediately got into a fight with another dog and the owner yelled, "What the f***!" and then they were engaged.

Stephanie thought she was doing an amazing job of keeping Ashlyn from hitting on her friend at a WeHo club. Ashlyn thought she was doing an amazing job of wooing Stephanie. Only one of them was correct. Ashlyn ordered Stephanie a "John Collins" (Stephanie asked for a Tom Collins...), asked her for a kiss, and the rest was history.

We knew that getting married would be historic for us as a couple and also as a community - it was only 5 years prior to our wedding date that DOMA was overturned by the Supreme Court and a union like ours would be legally recognized across the nation. However, we never could have anticipated the other important piece of making history - getting married in a global pandemic. We are no strangers to pivoting and adapting. By the nature of our individual personalities and life trajectories, we luckily, albeit reluctantly, have developed skills to radically change and grow when needed. Our wedding date had become just another life ritual entered into the tumult and uncertainty of COVID-19. We were fortunate that this was the most difficult choice we were presented, when other families were faced with much more difficult decisions in this pandemic. In this greater context, our decision to postpone, and then cancel our original wedding, was a privilege to make. Do we risk the health and well-being of the people we love the most by requesting they gather in our honor? Or do we minimize the risk and resources required of us and our collective community to legally marry?


We are so grateful to our friends, family, and especially parents for the support we’ve received. Our wedding was beautiful, intimate, and very us. We rented a small Airbnb in Santa Ynez Valley, California, a place Stephanie had worked as a school psychologist and Ashlyn had visited on impromptu Boys & Girls Club lunch breaks. Our parents helped make a meaningful ceremony and small dinner celebration happen for us, with the most safety precautions possible. We were married under a centuries-old oak tree that has persisted through wars and pandemics, and will hopefully persist beyond our lifetime. We wrote our own vows to share with one another separately right before the ceremony. We co-wrote the wedding ceremony script and a contract of marriage to one another, based on values and principles important to us. As part of the ceremony, our parents each signed our personal contract to pledge support of our union. Jeff, Stephanie’s stepfather, officiated our wedding. In June 26th, 2021, we will privately renew our vows to one another on our one-year anniversary and sixth year anniversary of legalized same-sex marriage. We will miss everyone we had hoped to include in our celebration, but hope that they will honor us by continuing to care for their own well-being and health. As we wrote in our cards to everyone, there is no act more radical and loving than continuing to persevere and care for one another in an era of uncertainty.