Culture and Tradition

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NOTE

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This is not a traditional Jewish or Vietnamese wedding, but elements of both traditions have been incorporated. The explanations in this document are just a few of many and should not be seen as definitive. Judaism has a long history of lively intellectual debate and establishes a practice of providing a variety of voices and understandings, which leads to multiple versions of any position or opinion. The cultural source for this is the Talmud, a record of holy arguments between generations of rabbis. Judaism generally goes by the majority opinion, though there are many cases where multiple answers are considered equally valid or the correct answer remains unknown. We have tried to provide some explanations for the traditions, but, as the old saying goes, “ask two rabbis and you will get three opinions.” Similarly, Vietnamese culture is rich, layered, and incredibly diverse across regions, family lineages, migration histories, and spiritual practices, including influences from Buddhism, Confucianism, Taoism, Catholicism, and indigenous ancestral traditions. Just as in Judaism, there is no singular or universally correct interpretation of any ritual. Each family carries its own version, shaped by history and love. What follows reflects this couple’s families and their traditions, not a definitive statement about Vietnamese or Jewish practice. It is one beautiful thread in a much larger tapestry.

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1. Singing the Ketubah

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Nathan and Kien have created a ketubah, a Jewish marriage contract that outlines their responsibilities and commitments to each other. Though not a religious document, the ketubah is part of Jewish civil tradition. Nathan and Kien’s ketubah is being hand-scribed in Israel and will be signed by the couple and witnesses upon arrival. The English translation of the ketubah will be read aloud for guests during the ceremony.

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2. Kien's Traditional Attire

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When speaking of Vietnamese traditional attire, many people will be familiar with Áo Dài (“long shirt”). Yet Vietnam has many other incredible garments, including Áo Ngũ Thân Tay Thụng (“wide-sleeved, five-paneled shirt”), also known as Áo Tấc, which Kien will be wearing for the wedding ceremony. Created by Lord Nguyễn Phúc Khoát in 1744, Áo Tấc was widely worn by nobility and on special occasions from the late 18th to the early 20th century. The garment’s five fabric panels symbolize one’s parents, one’s spouse’s parents, and oneself. Its five buttons are lined up in the form of the Quảng 广 (“roof”) character, representing either the five virtues of a “virtuous person”: benevolence, courtesy, righteousness, wisdom, and reliability; the five fundamental relationships in society: king-subject, parent-child, siblings, friends, and spouses; or the Ngũ Hành, the five elements of existence: Fire, Water, Wood, Metal, and Earth. Adorning the fabric are wedding-themed embroideries of the Thọ 壽 (“longevity”) character, plum and apricot blossoms, lotus flowers, and a square pattern, expressing hope for a new, pure, lasting, and sturdy marriage. More than its aesthetic appeal, Áo Tấc endures as a powerful symbol of Vietnam’s cultural depth and historical richness.

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3. Vietnamese Tea Ceremony

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The Tea Ceremony is a wedding rite derived from the traditional Vietnamese Lễ Vu Quy (“bride’s departure”) and Lễ Thành Hôn (“marriage celebration”) ceremonies. While it is practiced most prominently among the Vietnamese diaspora and often varies across families depending on resources and beliefs, its essence remains unchanged: to formally introduce both families to each other, as the couple receives blessings from their elders and, in turn, expresses respect and gratitude to those who came before them. Surrounded by the love and support of family and friends, the ceremony signifies an auspicious beginning for the marriage to bloom. Kien and Nathan have chosen a Vietnamese tea pot and a Japanese tea pot to honor their respective ancestry.

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4. Circling Each Other

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Among Ashkenazi Jews (those with diasporic roots in Eastern and Central Europe), it is customary for one partner to circle the other seven times before entering the chuppah. This act has been interpreted as creating a symbolic wall of protection, reflecting the seven days of creation, and representing the creation of a new family. Nathan and Kien will adapt this tradition by circling each other in turn three times before completing a final circle together, symbolizing equality, mutuality, and the shared rhythm of their marriage.

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5. Entering the Chuppah

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The couple will enter the focal point of the ceremony: the chuppah. This canopy, held up by four poles, represents the home Nathan and Kien will build together. Just as a home provides shelter and warmth, the chuppah symbolizes love, security, and the support of family and friends surrounding them. This chuppah has been borrowed from a dear friend, Lisa Rockower, for whom it was crafted by Mary Gautreaux. Nathan’s tallit, or prayer shawl, has been draped across the top.

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6. Exchanging Rings and Vows

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In Jewish law, marriage becomes official when one partner gives an object of value to the other. Traditionally, this has been a ring. Nathan and Kien will each exchange rings and speak vows affirming their consecration to one another. The circle of the ring symbolizes eternity: an unbroken bond. In kabbalistic tradition (Jewish mysticism), the right side represents mercy and kindness, while the left side represents judgment and severity. As such, Nathan and Kien will be placing their rings on their right hands for the ceremony as a symbol of their commitment to lead with kindness to each other.

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7. Reading the Ketubah

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The officiant will read the ketubah aloud. It represents a binding agreement of love and commitment, which Nathan and Kien will keep and display in their home as a lasting symbol of their promises to one another.

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8. Reciting the Birkhat Erusin

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The birkhat erusin is the betrothal blessing. It is not recited by either partner, according to custom, as they are tarud, or nervous and distracted. As the blessing is geared toward all the people of Israel, not just the couple, it is appropriate for someone else to recite it. Nathan’s uncle Steve will say the blessing in Hebrew, the translation of which is: You abound in blessing, Adonai, our God, sovereign of the universe, who has forbidden us to distress others through intimacy and has commanded us concerning the consecration of kiddushin, and who accompanies consecrated couples to the chuppah. We praise You, Adonai, who sanctifies the people of Israel.

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9. Drinking the Wine

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The birkhat erusin is recited over a glass of wine, which is a traditional symbol of joy and sanctification in Jewish tradition. The glass is filled to overflow as a symbol of having blessings so abundant that they spill over. After the blessings, Nathan and Kien will share the wine, weaving joy, sanctity, and blessings into their marriage.

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10. Breaking the Glass

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At the conclusion of the ceremony, Nathan will step on the glass from which they drank, wrapped in cloth, shattering it with a loud crack. Guests may then cheer “Mazel Tov!” The breaking of the glass has many interpretations: breaking the glass is the first sorrow in the marriage — now they don’t have to be afraid of facing their first problem because it’s already over; it reminds us that marriage, like glass, is precious and must be cared for; it recalls the destruction of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem, acknowledging that joy is interwoven with the world’s sorrows; it symbolizes abundance, that the couple’s happiness may be as countless as the shards.

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11. Cheering "Mazel Tov"

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Shouting "Mazel Tov!" is one of the most well-known and joyful Jewish wedding rituals. "Mazel Tov" is often translated as "good luck" or "congratulations." More precisely, it conveys a blessing for good fortune and a bright destiny. Guests cheer “Mazel Tov!” right after the breaking of the glass because now, even right after a symbolically trying event, there is reason to be joyous.

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12. Yichud

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After the ceremony, Nathan and Kien will take part in yichud, a private moment immediately following their marriage. It is considered to be the most intimate and private part of the day, as it is the establishment of their first private sacred space together as a married couple. The couple will spend at least eight minutes alone, away from family and guests, reflecting on their vows and the commitment they have just made. It's customary for the couple to share their first meal together as husbands during the yichud, a quiet pause before joining the party.

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13. Dancing the Hora

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After Kien and Nathan’s first dance and their first dances with their mothers, all guests are encouraged to join in for the Hora Dance (Jewish folk circle dance). The traditional “Hava Nagila” (meaning “let us rejoice”) will play as guests join hands and dance in a circle around the grooms. During the song, Nathan and Kien will be lifted on chairs by guests while holding a napkin connecting them to represent their union. It is considered a great mitzvah (holy good deed) to make the couple joyful at their wedding, and lifting them in chairs during this dance is a customary way of doing so. Dancing the Hora is about celebrating joy and occurs at special occasions, like weddings.