Bride
Solely responsible for this entire event. Mediocre teacher. Professional perfectionist. MADLY in love with the groom.
Matron of Honor
Best friend and teacher partner of the bride. Marine Corps wife and Army brat so only tells stories in acronyms. Bride is her muse and always worries about how many martinis I've had. Adores how much the groom loves her but will be shipping her overseas with me.
Bridesmaid
Best friend of the bride for 6 years and counting. Can save your life. Beer of choice: Mich Ultra. Will embarrass herself by the end of the night.
Bridesmaid
Friend of the Couple. Small but mighty. Keagan Kochie’s better half. Nursing student. Loves iced coffee and puppies.
Bridesmaid
High school bestie of the bride. Respiratory therapist. Dog Mom. Always down for a good time. Lover of beer. Mikayla’s funniest friend.
Bridesmaid
Little Sister of the Bride. Will be the first and last person on the dance floor. BIG seltzer girl.
Bridesmaid
Josie. Sister of groom. Car karaoke performer at heart. Will dance for tequila!
Groom
The man. The myth. The legend.
Best Man
Keagan. Grooms bestest man. All knowing. Biggest guy in the room. Racecar driver.
Groomsman
Chris aka Dad. He’s not even friends with the groom, just here for the food and drinks. Can bench more then the groom. In love with the bride.
Groomsman
Long time friend of the groom. Usually pretty quite but after a few drinks definitely likes to party.
Groomsman
Friend of the Groom
Groomsman
The Craigslist ad said I needed to include a bio so here goes nothing… I am a Jameson connoisseur with a Greek god like figure. It’s either blackout or blackout. Absolute freak of nature with an unmatched sense of humor. I gyrate me hips better than you and you can take that to the bank. Facts: *Peaky Blinders is on top✅ *Chris Stapleton knows better than anyone✅ *My dogs the best don’t even try✅ *Very proud to know this couple✅
Groomsman
Friend of the Groom. Burnouts, beer, and bad decisions.
Usher
Name: Tyler Wing Age: 27 Height: 5’8 3/4” Weight: 140 lb soaking wet Relation to Slum: longtime friend. Wedding position: Usher/second string groomsman Happy to be here!
Usher
Friend & childhood neighbor of the groom. 2006 TIME Magazine’s person of the year. 10th prestige in MW2. Definitely bench presses more than Sumner. Makes a MEAN PB&J. Can wake you up out of anesthesia, possibly save your life.
Honor Attendant
High school bestie of the bride. Cat lady. Loves a good white wine. Friendly but has an RBF.
Honor Attendant
Refers to Bride & Groom as “Mom and Dad”. Will probably eat a lot of cake.
Honor Attendant
Big sister of the bride. MN raised, but belongs anywhere else. Here for a good time, not a long time.
“Something Blue” Crew
Friend of the bride. Enjoys long walks with my dog and murder podcasts. Will accept vodka water as payment for therapy.