The Entire Crew
John Glowatz
Generally the Nerf gun war opposition
Professional space occupier. Gets into arguments with trees in his spare time. Once decked by the bride and lived to tell the tale. Hates mirrors.
Jessica Tranchell
Personal Bodyguard
Gym hamster. Small, fluffy, can fit lots of food in her cheeks. Secretly a ninja. Once decked the bride and lived to tell the tale.
Matt Holman
That Asshole the Bride has known FAR too long
6ft tall pastey white Irish guy. Kinda looks like if moby and powder had a child together then, that kid had a kid with the banjo playing kid from deliverance. Fluent in sarcasm. So ugly has to be funny. Well hung but no one wants to do him so no one really knows.
Pat Crowley
Hobo
Loves 80s thrash metal so much his pajamas are probably acid washed denim
Balor Jameson Odinsdottir
Battle Cat
Catnip-head. Pirate. Daddy's favorite annoyance. Princess.