Maddy & Derrick
Wedding Party
Madison Hartford
Bride
Wears the pants in the relationship, even when she's wearing a dress. If you can't find her at the wedding, she's probably brushing her teeth and heading to bed. Both the best and worst thing to ever happen to Derrick. Probably found trespassing in your yard looking for milkweed to feed her caterpillars. Responded "ok" when Derrick first said "I love you."
Derrick Rossignol
Groom
Knows as much about this wedding as you do. Eagerly practiced social distancing for years before Covid. Made Maddy walk a mile in the snow to a closed arcade on their first date, told a five-minute joke with no punchline on their second, and somehow got a third. Only person Derrick loves more than Maddy is her totally handsome Dad.
Brian Wright
Officiant
Maddy’s grandfather. Thought he was going to be a guest until he was informed he was the officiant. Offered to make a cake topper out of acorns and popsicle sticks. Lovingly known to the Andersons as "The Bassmaster." Has hosted a family fishing competition for 25 consecutive years, has yet to win a single event. Brian is currently making cancer his bitch for the second time.
Allison Anderson
Maid of Honor
Maddy’s cousin, best friends since birth. Once told a guy she "loves chicken wings!!!" when asked if she liked the band Wings. Brought home a crack-den kitten from Craigslist that was infested with fleas, who she'll probably Facetime during the reception. Had to live with the Bride and Groom during quarantine. Has been waiting for babies since she the couple's first date.
Rowan Carroll-Christopher
Maid of Honor
Maddy’s high school best friend. Only other person dressed like she was going to church on the first day of freshman year. Now lives in the woods and showers as a courtesy. Maddy's bathroom chaperone at parties to prevent another "peed in the shower at a Bates frat" situation. Maid of Honor because shes the mom of the group, but she'll probably be late for the wedding.
Sophia Carbonneau
Bridesmaid
Maddy’s best friend since Sophomore year in AP Chem. Group favorite because her dad makes really good bread. Won the prize for most time spent on my bathroom floor from an edible that was definitely not what TJ said it was. Lives in England but doesn't have a cool accent (her date does, though). The only person to actually leave the US when trump was elected.
Leslie Sandefur
Bridesmaid
Maddy’s best friend since middle school band. Asked if the wedding colors could be sage green so she could wear the dress she bought prematurely. Convinced the bride she shouldn't elope, and is the reason this wedding ended up so damn expensive. Wins prize for most clothes borrowed from Maddy that were never returned, will probably borrow the wedding dress and never give it back. Also took the edible that killed Sophia, fell asleep in Maddy's bed and didn't wake up for 15 hours.
Kjetil Rossignol
Best Man
Derrick's cousin who has a strange fascination with teeth. Lived with Derrick when he first met Maddy. Didn't meet Maddy for months because he was an anxious mess and moved out to study for his boards. The only person at the wedding who knows his way around Pokémon like Derrick does. Ask him about about bird calls you might hear during the ceremony.
Jack Hartford
Groomsman
Maddy's baby brother. He's the dude that brings his guitar to the party (this time, to serenade Maddy down the aisle). Big heart, even bigger vape clouds. Down for a foursome as long as it's Paul, John, George, and Ringo. Probably needs to borrow your phone charger.
Andre Rossignol
Groomsman
Derrick's youngest brother. Based on his dwindling physique, it appears they closed the gym in Biddeford. That's OK because he owns a couple gyms of his own up in the County. Don't talk to him if you don't want to be coerced into leasing or buying a commercial space in the Portland area.
Dominique Rossignol
Groomsman
Derrick’s oldest brother. He's perhaps the only other person in the wedding party who catastrophizes the Boston Celtics' shortcomings as much as Derrick. He's still in the wedding party despite the torrent of torture delivered to the groom throughout their childhood.