Luke & Theodora
Quaker Wedding?
What is a Quaker Wedding?
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A Quaker ceremony is a little bit different than ceremonies you may have attended before. At a Quaker wedding, there is no minister or officiant. Not only this, but also most of the ceremony will be held in a reflective silence. I’ll explain more below.
No officiant?
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Quakers believe that no individual is closer to God (or the Spirit, or whatever you believe in) than anyone else. Instead of one designated leader, Quakers believe everyone can discover and share God’s wisdom during silent worship. Because there is no minister or leader in Quaker weddings, the couple stands and exchange vows and rings on their own, marrying each other. In this way, the sacrament of marriage is performed by the two people getting married, in the presence of God. Everyone attending acts as a witness to their vows, and signs a marriage certificate affirming that the couple is married.
Why all of the silence?
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In traditional Quaker worship, the community members gather and worship in silence. During the course of the silence, those who are moved to speak stand and deliver their message to all those attending. These messages are believed to be divinely inspired. At our ceremony, this means that we won’t have any traditional speakers set. Instead, after the procession and a welcoming message, we will collectively come to silence. After settling into the silence, if you feel moved to say something, you are welcome to stand and speak for everyone to hear. In this way, the messages come directly from the hearts and minds of those who know Theodora and I best.
What should I say?
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Whatever you want, so long as it feels right in the moment! Want to talk about a time you saw us together? Go for it! Want to share a blessing for Theodora and I? The floor is yours! Want to share wisdom or your own reflections on love and commitment? Please do! The beauty of a Quaker ceremony is that the messages that rise to the surface are sincere messages from the people who love us most. Since it is coming from you organically, no one expects it to sound like a practiced speech.
30 Minutes???
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This may seem like a long time, but the time will fly. As a non-Quaker, I was very uneasy about the silence when I attended my first meeting (an hour long!), but the time really does pass quickly. Besides, as people start standing to speak, that time will quickly disappear. In fact, there will only be enough time for a few people to speak, and most of us will be sitting and witnessing the ceremony. And don’t worry, we are thinking about the weather and have some contingencies in mind should it be uncooperative.
What if I sneeze?
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Truly no problem. The silence isn’t meant to be restrictive or absolute. The purpose is for all of us to be present together and collectively meditating on the meaning of love, marriage, and commitment. We understand that the children might need to get up and move around, so we will have some space for this nearby.