FAQs

Question

Why?

Answer

Why not?

Question

Is Luke a handsome boy?

Answer

Yes. According to his mother, he is the most handsomest boy.

Question

Is Audriene a deep cover agent on assignment for the world-order which puppeteers all governments?

Answer

We can neither confirm or deny.

Question

I heard Audriene is the most GORGEOUS woman ever.

Answer

That's actually not a question. It's a statement of fact.

Question

Won't it be hot outside during summer in Texas?

Answer

Oh for sure. More than likely we'll all have sweaty backsides. But we've taken a step to mitigate this by having the ceremony later in the day in a mostly shaded area. We strongly recommend a solid cardio prep prior to attending. #purgetheweak

Question

WTF is "Garden Semi-formal Attire"?

Answer

Now listen here, we honestly have no idea what it is and wouldn't associate with anyone who actually knew. The best attempts to define it come from people saying what it's like rather than what it is. So instead of telling you what it isn't, we recommend a quick image search to get the idea.

Question

Shoes: what's the big deal?

Answer

A common misconception is that we wear shoes to protect our feet from the disgusting earth. But scientifically speaking, shoes protect the earth from our disgusting feet. Taking this into account, we advise our guests wear "gravel-friendly" footwear (i.e. we don't want your stilettos snapping or anyone twisting an ankle). We care about you all and that means we care about protecting you from improperly suited feet-condoms.

Question

Is it true Luke has never beaten Audriene in a game of pool?

Answer

Luke plays pool about as well as he keeps a story short. Not sure if you've ever seen a rotisserie chicken thrown over the fence to a junkyard dog, but if you have, then you get the idea.

Question

Do either the bride or groom have any artistic talent?

Answer

Audriene sings, plays piano, dances, and sketches. She does all of these with grace and beauty. In 5th Grade, Luke won a xylophone battle to become the anchor of the school-grade band, obtaining the coveted title "Last Chair".

Question

Where will the honeymoon be?

Answer

We don't yet know! We're leaning towards Europe. We love history, art, architecture, cultures, theater, and geographical wonder, so we figure western Europe for safety and ease-of-travel in a region densely-packed with sights and experiences. We know many of you have extensive travel experience and we welcome hearing your pitches. The person or persons with the winning pitch will receive an autographed picture of themselves photoshopped in with us on our honeymoon. This will serve not only as a prize for simply being better than others, but also as a statement to your competitors that you won. There will be no need to remind them of such. We'll memorialize your greatness for you!

Question

Why are you mocking me?

Answer

WhY aRe YoU mOcKiNg Me?