Lara & Stephen
Wedding Party
Mike Simon
Best Man
Named Rookie of the Year in 1992, Mike "Mikey" Simon changed the game with his meteoric rise to the Brothers Hall of Fame. As he prepares to trade his former title "The Man" for his newly minted "Best Man" the youngest Simon brother is again recognized for his sense of humor, enormous heart, and seemingly endless knowledge of Seinfeld Trivia. When not performing his Best Manly duties, you can find Mikey throwing un-hittable wiffle balls and bankrupting the Father of the Groom on the Backgammon board.
Matt Simon
Groomsman
Some say middle children are quiet and mild mannered. Others have met Matt Simon. A member of New York's Bravest, Matt has thrived in his dream career that combines his passion for community service with his zeal for destroying property. His 2008 Karaoke performance aboard a cruise ship was once dubbed the worst thing to happen at sea since the Titanic. He spends his free time alongside his impossibly patient wife, and his protégé Sofia whom he instructs in the art of mischief as only a master can.
Andrew Ris
Groomsman
Every now and again, a person comes along who is so preternaturally talented that it's downright infuriating. Steve's cousin Andrew is such a person. It's not his athleticism (extreme), intelligence (formidable), or good looks (photoshop) that make Andrew such an outstanding human being. It is the fact that despite his near superhuman abilities, he manages to stay humble, generous, and down-to-earth. Steve is beyond proud to have him as a cousin and groomsman, and slightly terrified to travel to Las Vegas with him.
Joe Bittner
Groomsman
He can grow his beard by merely thinking about it. He has drank the actual wine from Game of Thrones. Siri asks him for help with trivia questions. He is the most interesting man on this website. Joe and Steve became friends after college, bonding over their shared epicurean tendencies. A man who rarely seeks the spotlight, Joe is perhaps most famous for co-hosting our annual Friendsgiving alongside his wife (and Bridesmaid/Honorary Groomsmaid) Laura. So many of us have experienced the joy of gathering in Boston to drink wine and watch this man expertly baste a turkey without putting down his drink. It is truly a sight to behold.
Jake Gold
Groomsman
The friendship between Jake and Steve began in 2000, when they met as gangly teenagers looking for trouble. Now a gangly adult, Jake has become one of Steve's closest friends, and remains a partner in mischief to this day. Jake and Steve often marvel at the fact that they became highly trained medical professionals after spending the better part of a decade eating dollar slices and falling asleep on the street.
Michael Quintavalla
Groomsman
To distinguish between the countless Mikes that arrived at BU in the fall of 2005, nicknames were assigned. Meet Mike Quintavalla, aka 'Rugby.' Named for his college sport of choice, the nickname has turned out to be quite appropriate. Like his namesake, Rugby is loud, fun to watch, and loved by a small eastern European fan base. He can be found on the dance floor, regardless of whether others are dancing too.
Tom Gott
Groomsman
When did Tom Gott formally become the Captain? What ship does he command? The truth remains a mystery, but one thing is known for certain: Captain Gott will dance with you. Once the band kicks off, you’ll begin to understand why Tom has become one of Steve and Lara's favorite people to be with. We imagine he will become yours too. So while you are on the dance floor, if you feel the unmistakable energy of a man dancing with the fury of a thousand suns, do not panic. 'Tis merely the Captain.
Ross VanDeventer
Groomsman
Some will say that nothing good has ever come out of Florida. And for the most part, they are correct. But every now and again, the Sunshine State gets something right, and in 1988 that something was Ross VanDeventer. Ross arrived in NYC in 2012 just as Steve needed a new roommate, and the two of them bonded instantly over their shared love of cartoons, canasta, and Papa John's. To this day, their years of cohabitation rank among Steve's fondest memories of the Upper West Side.
Rhea Racho
Bridesmaid
Pronounced RAY-uh. But you can call her Racho. Or Racho Nacho. Whatever you call her, know that you're in the presence of one of the kindest souls in this universe. Friends since high school, Rhea and Lara have shared too many sleepovers, Chili's meals (if chips + salsa + ranch counts as a meal), and prank phone calls to count, but are always willing to add more to that list. At the wedding, Rhea will be the one with the blinding smile, seamlessly talking to everyone, and busting out impressive fuetes on the dance floor.
Kelly Cooper
Bridesmaid
If you can look past the unfairness of her constantly tanned skin and enviable derriere, you'll meet an incredible human who will undoubtedly make you want to be a better human yourself. One of the first friends Lara squealed to after her first date with Steve, Kelly's magnanimous spirit has made her one of Lara's most trusted source of advice—delivered with a superb mix of unyielding support and giving you the side-eye when you deserve it. Lara and Kelly's Saturday nights together tend to involve debating the complexities of life, belly laughs that border on the obnoxious, and perpetually eating too much Mexican food.
Laura Farquhar
Bridesmaid
When not busy being confused with Lara every time the two of them are in the same room, Laura can be found in Boston, alongside Groomsman Joe Bittner and their snuggleable dog Roux. Laura is one of Steve's longest and most dearest friends, and one of the greatest delights he brought into Lara's life. Laura's laughter is infectious, her baked goods out of this world, her stories usually five minutes too long. You're likely to find the two of them ordering the menu at Boston's Gaslight or snuggled on the couch in their finest sweat pants—there is no in between. Pro tip: if you bring up Harry Potter at the wedding, Laura can be your new best friend, too.
Lauren Clark
Bridesmaid
Lara and Lauren met when they were four years old and the universe was never the same (thanks Bill and Jeri!). Though technically step-sisters, they've felt like soulmates, and were lucky enough to get to experience every stage of life at the exact same time given their two-month age difference. Whether acting out one-woman scenes from Titanic or impersonating the perfect chicken squawk, there are few people who can make Lara laugh as hard as Lauren can. In full transparency, you will likely (read: certainly) see their interpretive dance routine, perfected over the decades, on the dance floor. No autographs, please.
Christina Simon
Bridesmaid
Steve has brought many wonderful things into Lara's life, but few as special as a sister-in-law. When Lara and Christina met, they shared an instant connection, and not just because there was somebody else who could understand what it meant to date a Simon brother. If you've met Matt, it should come as no surprise that Christina has a fantastic sense of humor. She is selfless, loyal, and loving, while still capable of handing out a proper ass whoopin' should the need arise. Lara is beyond lucky to not only gain new family with Christina, but a friend for life.
Ashley Starr
Bridesmaid
ANOTHER sister-in-law? How lucky can one girl be? Engaged to the Best Man, Ashley is the Best Choice for a friend who is loyal, generous, and always willing to help do your makeup. Her career as a nurse reflects upon her giant heart, caring nature, and impressive ability to tolerate smells. Incidentally, these skills also leave her well prepared for her coming marriage to Mikey. Ashley and Lara share a love of animals, spiked seltzers, and Taco Bell—the perfect trifecta if you ask them.
Alexander Osbourne Schwed
Officiant
Neuroscientist. Boxer. Ordained Minister. Competitive eater. Schwed has been Steve's best friend since their first day of college, when Schwed told Steve not to touch his Ninja Turtle action figure and Steve promptly snapped it in half. They remained roommates for the next ten years, traveling across 14 countries and serving drinks to Ivy League children before being evicted from their apartment for being too awesome.
Goopy
Usher
Goop E. Catson was born in May 2009 in Austin TX, a sickly feline condemned to a life of orphanage until Lara swept in and changed her life. Of her many maladies, which included kitten acne (seriously, look it up), Goopy became known for the ocular discharge for which she was named. Eponymous infections aside, Goopy is a happy and healthy cat who is overjoyed to be part of this bridal party. Her likes include destroying furniture, chasing birds, and snuggling with mom and dad. Her dislikes include furniture, birds, and most other people.