Julia & David
Get to Know Us
Julia Andreas
Bride
Once thought to be extinct, the Bride (Julia) has persisted beyond the reckoning of her species by subsisting on watermelon and collecting sweaters for her den. Though her existence is disputed by scientists, this legendary specimen of a cryptid still eludes capture by even the most dedicated cryptozoologists. She is currently in the market for new eyes. Please call David (the Groom) if you have any information regarding anything at all.
Miranda McLain
Maid of Honor
Shortest out of all her siblings, Miranda made an oath to not rest until she found the secret Krabby Patty formula. She's so close. Allergic to nothing (totally true) and CEO of the Caitlin Andrews Fanclub, Miranda is busy most days. She and the Julia (the Bride) are both human shaped, and this brings them very close together.
Caitlin Andrews
Bridesmaid
Born in 1814, Caitlin has always lamented being born too late for Pride and Prejudice (published in 1813). As an immortal vampire, and published author, she enjoys local fruits and international vegetables. She and Julia (the Bride) met on a full moon.
Unzila Chowdhury
Bridesmaid
Unzila is not the bride, but also does not recommend stilettos. She grew up neither here nor there, but also likes (?) raccoons. Professional Raccoon Wrangler. Proven to be related to the Man himself. She and Julia (the Bride) once engaged in fisticuffs, and it is unclear who is the champion - to be resolved on Oct. 22, 2022.
Nicole Hylton
Bridesmaid
Nicole Hylton, better known as Professor Doctor Extraordinaire Nicool Chillton, was once in space. She had such a good time she forgot to buy Julia (the Bride) a souvenir. Once a Medieval jester, Nicool now spends her days watering her cat and other various lobsters that inhabit her 4th dimension.
Sophia Andreas
Bridesmaid
Do not make eye contact. Do not approach. She will eat your snacks. All of them. Be afraid. Be very afraid. As sister of Julia (the Bride), she likes mushrooms but not eating them, and hanging out with her pet iguana Phillipé. Do not approach him either.
Clara Cogswell
Best Woman
Clara came into existence 1.6 Billion years ago when she carved herself out of solid rock in the mezoproterozoic era. The Grand Canyon is the result of this cataclysmic event. She swears she is related to the groom (David) and has gone so far as to claim she is the "Best Woman." No one has been able to get close enough to tell her otherwise. She enjoys mangoes, hot sauce, and staring in the middle distance. She is the proud parent of one pup and one cat.
Devon Cogswell
Groomswoman
One sunny day in the middle of summer, Devon sprang into being and immediately invented an invisible teleporter designed to show you your greatest desires. However, because it is invisible, it was instantly lost the annals of what Devon calls "history." Her greatest passion is feeding the unseen mental quandaries that wake us up in the wee hours of the dawn, only to be forgotten moments later. She swears that she is also related to the groom (David).
David Cogswell
Groom
Born into a life of crime, this infamous cryptozoologist has spent his life NOT doing crime and instead tracking down elusive species thought to not exist and maybe eat watermelon. Although David (the Groom) swears he can tie his shoelaces into a pretty little bow, this has never been proven. He may be, like, very bald, but apparently this attracts Julia (the Bride). It shiny.