Jennifer & William
Wedding Party
Christina Nathanson
Maid of Honor
Christina is Jen's cousin. If you can't find her, she's the one drinking excessively, calling everyone names, and threatening to murder innocent people. All questions, concerns, and complaints about the wedding can be directed to Christina. However, before doing so, it would be wise to maintain your distance, let her come to you, and then gently give her a chocolate treat so she trusts you.
Justine Garvin (Stu)
Bridesmaid
Justine mistakenly wandered into our family in high school and married Jen’s cousin Jeremy Garvin. Unfortunately, she never got away from us and here we are. Her name is Stu, please refer to her as such. If you do not know anyone and need a friendly face to talk to, please introduce yourself to Stu. Stu loves affection, warm hugs, and intense eye contact.
Cassandra Jones
Bridesmaid
Jane of all trades, has the hookups for anything you need. If all you have is nail clippings, an onion peel, and some expired coconut water, she'll concoct some advil for you. If you need a tuxedo ASAP because you forgot it at home, she'll paint one on you. She gets the job done when you didn't even know there was a job in the first place.
Marissa Schulman
Bridesmaid
Marissa's Husband Mike Shulman was Jenny's childhood friend. During the years he met Marissa, she became one of Jen's best friends. Not many women are as cool as her. Marissa has triplet babies so if you see her, give her a shot and the hookup for a vasectomy specialist.
Brittany Uzzi
Bridesmaid
Brittany is Jen's cousin and the youngest of the bridesmaids. If you need to nerd out and talk about anime instead of the teenie bopper shows most of the wedding party will talk about, she's your lady.
Louie Cucc
Bridesmaid
Louie and Jen met 15 years ago when she worked in her tanning salon. At first sight, they became obsessed with each other. If Lisa broke a leg Jen broke one. If Lisa took up biking Jen did. If Lisa decided she wanted to be a professional boxer Jen wasn't too far behind. Over the last decade, they have kept their criminal activity to a minimum. However, now that Jen is marrying a cop all bets are over. Louie will be released from the psych ward just before the wedding, just in time to be Jen's Bridesmaid. If lost, please direct her to Christina (Maid of Honor)
E. Perry
Bridesmaid
Liz has employed Jen for the last 6 years. Although she has tried to fire Jen numerous times she has never managed to do so because she was never actually hired. They have absolutely nothing in common besides their love of serial killer documentaries and animals, but they manage to talk 22 out of 24 hours a day.
Annie Scioscia
Mother of the Bride
If anyone is hungry and wants a sandwich, find this lady. She will likely be carrying her own personal cooler full of snacks. Jen is Annie’s first born and favorite child. This will be a very special day for her because now she finally has the son she always wanted.
Joseph Scioscia
Father of the Bride
Will recite movie dialogue from the godfather trilogy word for word. Walk up to him and kiss him on the lips and say "I know it was you, Joseph."
Vickie Plume
Mother of the Groom
Big Vick stands at a whopping 4ft tall and still managed to birth out Big bill. She may be small in stature but large in personality. Vickie is the matriarch of her family, expert baker, and lover of yard sales.
Bill Plume Sr.
Father of the Groom
Bill Sr. never met a meme he didn't like. Please introduce yourself and share your favorite meme with him.
Robert Scioscia
Groomsman
Robert is Jen's younger brother. He is not only a groomsman but also officiating the wedding. Robert enjoys offensive jokes and the destruction of the fabric of society. Please pray for us.
Nick Plume
Groomsman
Nick is Billy's younger brother and the officiant of this wedding. His life is in shambles and he is going through a divorce. We feel as though he will bring good energy to the party. If for whatever reason you want to talk to this melancholy creature, his interests include comic books, over-analyzing everything, and guns.
Jon McCleery
Groomsman
Also known as “One task wonder” Jon and Billy have been friends for over 15 years. They met when they used to find random parking lots to hang out in high school. Yep, apparently that was a thing.
Anthony Napolitano
Groomsman
Big bill met Anthony through his best man when they worked together at MacArthur Airport. Billy lovingly refers to him as “big sexy” Anthony is a lover of Netflix, Italian food, and is your go-to guy if you need to hide a body. (He works at a cemetery)
Billy Nathanson
Best Man
Billy #2 is the sole reason this wedding is even happening. Billy has been trying a little over a decade to make this happen. I know what you are thinking "Wow he must really love Jen" no that's actually not the case. Billy #2 is married to Jen's Cousin Christina (Maid of Honor). So long ago he arranged this marriage out of pure convenience to maximize his time with Big Bill. Despite all the disastrous relationships Big Bill and Jen have made Billy #2 participate in throughout the years he always held hope that his plan would still come together. Billy and Billy grew up together as neighbors and have never been apart for more than a few hours. This day is just as special for Billy#2 as it is for Jen and Big Bill.
James Mignone
Groomsman
James is the studliest man around. He is also known as Big Papa/ Tiny Dancer. He first met Big Bill in high school before big Bill was big bill. They developed a friendship through high school football, food and video games.
Carlos Rodrigues
Groomsman
Carlos is married to Billys cousin Theresa. They were high school sweethearts. Carlos is a big part of the family and the protégées version of “The Godfather. “
Jackson Brown
Usher
Jackson Brown CEO and founder of the brown foundation. Likes snacks, naps, cutting his own nails, and chasing squirrels. Jack has a fear of most animals, insects, noises, and all people except big bill.
Brandon Biscardi
Groomsman
Brandon is Billy’s cousin, Brandon was raised in the same house and his unofficial little brother. Brandon likes nice long walks on the beach and is an aspiring police officer just like Big bill.
Millie Jones
Honor Attendant from Heaven
Aunt Millie recently passed last year after a long battle with cancer. However, she never missed a family party and we know she will be at our special day in spirit.
Uncle Bob
Wedding Coordinator
Uncle Bob is the head wedding coordinator. He will be in charge of keeping us in line. With that being said you will often hear him tell people to "Chop Chop." He will also tell you you are fired and were never hired and then tell you he rehired you. As a guest of the wedding, this can be a bit confusing. He may also approach you and kick you in the back of the leg, behind your knee so you fall. If you are in any way offended by him apologies in advance. PS. If you see him eat the wedding cake before it is cut please stop him or inform someone.