Lindsay & Brian
Wedding Party
Katie "Diddles" Hall
Bridesmaid
Katie is Lindsay's oldest friend, and the shortest of the Hall siblings. Her predisposition for management and benevolent meddling has expedited her ascension through the ranks at KPMG and landed her a ridiculously high security clearance. Beloved by friends and family and feared by everyone else, Katie will be a palpable force on the dance floor at the wedding. With an arsenal of hilarious and frequently true stories, she is the undisputed Funniest Hall* . * Citation needed.
Christopher "Chuck" Norris
Best Man
Chuck and Brian met in 2003 and were inseparable through 2010. Billed by Brian's mother as "the odd couple," the pair would go on to graduate from Virginia Tech after four years as roommates before taking their own paths through post-graduate studies. Along the way, they studied diligently, attended every class as scheduled, went to bed early, and never damaged each others' vehicles. To this day, their parents (unfairly) remind them "not to do anything stupid," when they meet up. When it came time to look for a ring for Lindsay, Chuck was Brian's first phone call.
Emma "Lucille" Hall
Bridesmaid
The soon-to-be best educated Hall sibling, Emma has been keeping a close eye on Lindsay since assuming the role of her head basketball manager in the sixth grade. Emma's personality is as enigmatic as her pop-country-hip-hop Spotify playlists. Her steady hand and raised eyebrow make it difficult to interpret her thoughts, but will lend themselves perfectly to her career as a doctor. Feel free to stop by Emma's table at the wedding for a complimentary analysis of any and all ailments that you may or may not have. As her counsel, we must insist that you disclaim all liabilities for such diagnoses.
Ryan "Crutches" Benoit
Groomsman
Ryan met Chuck and Brian within the first week of their time at Virginia Tech. Because he was one of the first people Chuck and Brian met upon their arrival, and because he was on crutches and looked helpless on Virginia Tech's decidedly non-ADA-friendly campus, the three became fast friends. Ryan would ultimately be the most dedicated of the roommate family, living with the other three for the remainder of college, and with Chuck for nearly a decade. As a material science engineer, you can now find Ryan at NASCAR infields across the country determining the causes behind in-race tire explosions. They are reportedly never his fault.
Kristene "Krissy" Dorwin
Bridesmaid
The newest Hall sister (is that how it works?), Krissy, has been watching Brian's back since 1990. Though they generally were at odds throughout the first decade of their relationship, Brian and Krissy became close co-conspirators during middle and high school, finding that evading trouble with mom and dad was much easier as a team. The two now snowboard together every winter, and continue their perfection of the post-bar silent home entry at their parents' on holidays. Krissy is a social worker in Denver, CO, where she corrects the paths of reprobate children - a career which was all but inevitable after years of practice with Brian and his friends.
Rob "Robs" Szumski
Groomsman
Robs joined the Virginia Tech roommate family in 2006. Despite being the most sensible of the groomsmen, Robs elected to live with the other three throughout the remainder of their time at Virginia Tech, including victory laps where applicable. Having perfected the image of the most responsible-looking of the roommates, he is the universal favorite of the groomsmen's siblings and significant others.* Upon disbanding at the conclusion of our time in Blacksburg, Robs found success in Silicon Valley where, as we understand it, he designs internets. *You have them fooled, Robs, but not us.
Andy "S.L.O.P." Hall
Groomsman
Andy met Lindsay in 1988, and Brian in 2009. Lindsay and Andy agree on rap music, while Brian and Andy agree on professional sports teams, other than those that play baseball. Andy's talent in selling windows is eclipsed only by his talent on the mic and his willingness to share incredible tickets to sporting events with his friends and family. No one is sure how he gets invited to these things, but he does and we don't ask questions. Andy has, for years, carried the un-disputed distinction of being The Funniest Hall.* *Citation needed.