Wedding Party
Chris Cosens
Best Man
Eric and Chris met in a dark alley many years ago.
Michael Essenmacher
Best Man
Michael (“Essy”) is a doctor.
Tom Krzysiak
Groomsman
Tom is too sexy for his shirt
Josh Linkowski
Groomsman
Josh (“Jsal”) has two middle names.
Jack Neymeyier
Groomsman
Jack does hood rat stuff
Carter Harris
Man of Honor
Carter originally the lead trainer for training pteranodons how to perform aerial dances that would open for the red bull games, but after an unfortunate event that resulted in chaos and casualties at a PTA meeting in Night Vale, Nevada he has since taken up crocheting full time (he is known in his professional circles as Fire Needles) and volunteers as Foremen for a company called Spence Brothers as a hobby.—Can he build it?....YES HE CAN!
Christopher Harris
Man of Honor
Christopher was the star performer in a very highly anticipated musical that was set to debut in Desert Bluffs, Arizona in 1996. However, after a heated disagreement about the number of gerbils that should stampede across the stage in the last act before intermission he, in a fit of furry, he tossed his sequined jumpsuit and rhinestoned arial apparatus and left the performance industry forever. Leaving many fans and fellow performers at a loss for a vocal and dancing sensation as exquisite as his, the musical never aired (or was named). He now owns and operates a factory that manufactures high end canoes for guinea pigs and wild turkeys. In his spare time he designs drinking water filtration systems for a small company, Culligan—he is the Culligan man.
Leah Harris
Bridesmaid
Its epic and complicated—Bio coming soon...
Aimee Clare
Bridesmaid
Its epic and complicated—waaaittt for it.....
Tara Friend
Bridesmaid
Tara spent decades shaving delicate designs into the fur of her 37 wombats that resided at her Wombat Pet & Peace sanctuary. Unfortunately, one night after the wombats weekly wine social, that ALWAYS ended in a very aggressive game of slap the bag, a group of Colombian Cocaine king pins (yes plural) released a fleet of pelicans over the sanctuary that scooped up the wombats and flew away with them. This event resulted in the temporary suspension of the number 4, causing widespread panic mostly in rural communities along the border of Canada. The number was, much much later, reinstated until further notice. Tara now bartends in a manner so exquisite that it makes Tom Cruise look like a drunk toddler in his performance in Cocktails.
Tracy Truran
Bridesmaid
Tracy, in 1992, created a career as an aerial assault artist. Her aerial assault performances required viewers to sign a "high risk for death" form, and took place only in areas with high Sasquatch sightings, high UFO reports, or during appearances of a large, glowing, misshapen light orb. In 2007 during a performance that took place during the appearance of a light orb in Greendale, North Dakota (a town that held the 100 year straight record for Sasquatch sightings) Tracy forgot that she had applied the Cologne, Sex Panther by Odeno. The pungent scent angered the glowing orb and caused a Monsoon of armadillos named Janis to rain down on the small town of Greendale resulting in heavily damaged construction equipment–specifically, and a few casualties, but, that was how she landed Steve.
Desiree Derochure
Bridesmaid
In the process of being transcribed ...will post soon
Louise
The Majestic Pear of Honor
Once a Wolfpack of one as a small pup she learned the ways of the honey badger on the plains of Texas, and not only mastered but refined the practice of Chomping. She traveled across the Great Divide in search of fine snacks she joined a small but mighty tribe and be cane known as the Majestic Pear or “The Pear” due to her reverence for all snacks and her sublime Chomping abilities.