Two Smitten Kittenz
The Wedding Crew
Matthew "Bones Jones" Katz
Best Man
As big brother to the groom, Matt has three decades of experience honing his craft of loving and bothering David. Sharing bunk beds and a love of wrestling, the siblings broke plenty of items in the apartment (sorry mom!), but surprisingly not each other. David eventually caught up to Matt in size, but Matt remains the champion of being a nudnik, beating David in fantasy football, and collecting more Pokemon (mostly because he's the last man still playing that game). Today, Matt spends his time spiritually communing with pugs, serving well-seasoned dad jokes to his daughter, Margot, and splitting his spare hours between bothering David and his wife, Katie.
Mary "Cheeseburn" Iannuzzi
Bridesmaid
Mary and Liza met at their culty-hippie-Waldorf high school. Mary thought Liza was a stink-eyed jerk. Liza thought Mary was weird. Turned out Liza was just near-sighted and Mary was way less weird than Liza. They lived together during grad school, at which time they battled (and conquered) a key-stealing, poltergeist-rat to the beat of bachata. Today, Mary and Liza are still surprised they have boyfriends, let alone fiancés.
Evan "Ain't I Pretty" Peters
Groomsman
Evan, an undercover critic of dairy-free milkshakes, met David at their Upper West Side hippie high school, where they didn't have walls but did have a professional chef. They realized their souls' unity while David was looking for someone to split a black and white cookie with. Of course, Evan took the vanilla, while David took the chocolate. Thousands of cookies later, the flame of their love still burns bright. Today, Evan enjoys talking about but never moving to Brooklyn, being Callie's favorite uncle, and complaining about seasons.
Hannah "Handsy" Becker
Bridesmaid
Gemologist and jewelry designer to the stars (and Liza), Hannah is a connoisseur of all things that sparkle. She and Liza met their freshman year at Bard College. Together with Claire, and a great number of the Bard coven ladies, they founded the legendary Theme Night Friday and the wait-list-only Annual Murder Mystery Dinner. Today, Hannah runs her own company, gets doted upon by Indian restaurateurs, and practices for the Foot Game Olympics.
Nat "I'm a Doctor?" Wernick
Groomsman
Nat met both David and Matt on a Birthright trip to Israel. After riding a few camels, trading Matt for Yemini pizza (there are tales of him still wandering around Tzfat), and bonding over Third Eye Blind, Nat moved from Oklahoma to the Big City, decimating the Oklahoma Jewish population. He became David's roommate in Hell's Kitchen ("the Gayborhood"). Together, they scavenged the city for free hotdogs, dollar pizza, and "treasures" from other people's garbage. Today, Nat spends his time living in Greenpoint trying to become Polish like his idols—The Katz brothers—and charming older Jewish ladies with his hit party game, "Can I Tell if You Had a Cataract Removed?"
Claire "Blender" Phelan
Bridesmaid
Claire, Liza, and a papier-mâché zeedonk (zeebra-donkey) shared a dorm their freshman and senior years at Bard College. They bonded over coloring books, endless snacking, the French revolution, and glitter. Claire is one of many co-founders of the above mentioned Theme Night Friday and Annual Murder Mystery Dinner, and once served as Liza's personal chef. Today, Claire is a full-time celebrity chef and part-time hand model.
Natasha "Klemek" Klemek
Bridesmaid
Klemek visited the culty-hippie-Waldorf school in third grade. She wanted to be a horse. Liza thought this was AWESOME. Klemek, Mary, and Liza are the original crew of the great ship Magic Frank ("My, she was yar!"). They filled the roles of first mate, cabin boy, and figurehead, respectively. Today, Klemek, honest-to-God laser beams the capitol building for a living, enjoys singing Moulin Rouge duets, and crashing wedding proposals.
Callaloo "Callie" Kittenz
Usher
First born of the Kittenz clan. Callaloo received her name from a popular Caribbean stew, which David first heard about on The Cosby Show and first ate with Liza in St. Thomas. She also goes by Bug, Booger, Little Butt, Calpants, Demon. Known on the streets as Benji or Crazy Dog. She has graciously cleared her schedule for her humans' wedding, where she will serve as Usher and show off a few hip hop steps.