Disappointed that she only earned a bachelors and not her MRS degree during undergrad, Jessica decided to pursue an advanced MRS as a graduate student at Ohio State. Michael, unable to legally or ethically bring home the beautiful Colombian three-toed sloth he met while in the Navy, returned to Ohio resigned to pursue a degree that didn’t involve chasing pirates on the high seas. The couple explored their new home city of Columbus studying by day, and by night, wondering why the 20-year-olds were all carrying fishbowl-sized goblets on High Street. For three years Michael and Jessica passed each other on campus like ships in the night, but as luck would have it, they would both enroll in OSU’s famous Argentine Tango course. Week after week, they met in a small studio in Pomerene Hall, learning a beautiful new dance. I mean—not at the same time or anything, not even in the same semester, but they did both take that class. Then finally, graduation! On a cloudless day in May of 2016 both Michael and Jessica moved their tassels across their mortarboards, celebrating their academic achievements. Metaphorically though, Jess didn’t go to the big ceremony where Michael was, it seemed like a lot of waiting around. Crushed for a second time that her diploma wasn’t wrapped in a ring, Jessica searched for employment as a spinster, grasping at the final fleeting years of her 20s. The ever chivalrous Michael, swiped right upon this distressed damsel and found it in his heart to set aside her age (ghastly shy of his own by a mere six months) and gave her a chance. After deep philosophical dialogue on the modern linguistic connotations of oranges and tacos, the two finally met on a balmy, midwest January evening. Debating whether research papers should be written to accommodate less technical readers (they did NOT agree) they ordered a pitcher of margaritas and have been in love ever since.