Steven & Mariah
Wedding Party
Molly Corcoran
Maid of Honor
After a successful career on Real Housewives of Ashville, Molly was kicked off the show after assaulting Andy Cohen during a heated disagreement about cloth diapers. Molly has now dedicated her life to the arts as a professional mime for the blind.
Jeff Chagnon
Best Man
After being kicked out of med-school for "not" preforming autopsies on his neighbors dogs, Jeff joined forces with Marianne Williamson on her interpretive dance team tour. Jeff now works at BUTTs Funeral home in Penacook, NH and has his own line of supplements called "collected unconscious."
Amanda Emmons
Bridesmaid
You'll likely recognize this TV superstar from the Netflix smash: Feral and Fabulous. We highly recommend her new cat litter brand, available at Savers in Manchester, NH.
Brian Chagnon
Groomsman
If you've ever met Brian, we're sure he immediately told you "iT's PrOnOunCed BwYYan", and we're sorry for that 30 seconds you will never get back. After wandering off from Steve's Eagle Scout ceremony, Brian found himself in the middle of the debate stage for local elections and was astonishingly voted Mayor of Bow. After a popular first term, the town revolted after he secretly passed an ordnance mandating everyone "go super saiyan" at his command. Solid try Bwy-guy.
Tyler Smirnioudis
Bridesmaid
We met Tyler after responding to her "Looking for a Ferret Sitter" Craigslist ad to help pay for the wedding. While it was heartbreaking to inform Tyler than she in fact owned 34 rats, she kindly offered to pay for our rabies treatment, kicking off a lifelong friendship.
Dan Nugent
Groomsman
Dan was promoted to "head intern" on the Maury show during it's prime time and was in fact, the genius behind "You are Not the father" DNA tests. Chaos ensued when Dan was surprised mid shift by a request for his own DNA test, unearthing his 27 illegitimate children. When Dan bellowed out "I do not collect other people's socks" the new era of "the lie detector determined that was a lie" took over the show. Always a go-getter, Dan worked hard to use this infamy to promote his new book "Monday's with Maury" which is actually just an audio book of him screaming.
Marcella Leon
Bridesmaid
I first heard about Marcella during her undercover investigative report on militia groups in the state. We lost touch for a while during her well known long affair with Alex Jones of Infowars, which sadly ended over a passionate disagreement over whether the frogs really are turning us all gay. Thankfully our friendship was rekindled when she took that courageous stand against the gay-frog agenda. She is now a successful personal shopper for Tami Lahren.
Chris Rydel
Groomsman
Chris really impressed us when he stood out as the most charismatic and forceful salesman at Claire's, not only that- he went on to become employee of the month at the Steeplegte Mall, when it turned out that in fact, the other employees were all legally dead. Although Chris was let go for forcing a lost bus of Havenwood residents to get cartilage piercings and buy the remaining "gossip" necklaces, Chris became a model for the Jnco jeans come-back campaign. Please do not accept any offers from Chris to pierce your ears.
Sara Roy
Bridesmaid
The original inspiration for Margret Atwood's "Mrs. Waterford" of The Handmaid's Tale, Sara's amazing self-help book "How to be Seen, not Heard" swept our college campus and sparked an incredible, yet silent friendship- these still waters run deep! Sara now has her own beautiful kitchen, in the heart of her husband's home!
Joe Sullivan
Groomsman
You'll likely recognize Joe from his beautiful flower crown and Bernie Sanders face tattoo. We first met Joe when we attended his couples yoga retreat, although it was quickly shut down by a "misguided" FBI raid due to accusations that he was starting a communist revolution. Joe picked himself up by the bootstraps after this set back and began his grassroots movement he coined "antifa"...as Joe says "life ain't no thang-unless you got that Yin and Yang". Joe requests all conversations with him focus on the liberal agenda and vulnerable stories of childhood.
McKaila Higgins
Bridesmaid
The beautiful daughter of New England's own soap mender Ken Higgins, McKaila was known as "the cat lady of Madison" until being publicly accused on Munchhausen's By Proxy for requiring all of her cats to use wheelchairs and "play dead" during her YOUNIQUE make-up parties. She now lives in Eastbum, Mississippi and serves as our spiritual guide.
Chris Campbell
Groomsman
After getting into Julliard at the age of 14 for being a savant with the xylophone, Chris struggled to connect with his peers during his formative years. Caving to peer pressure, Chris began drinking Four-Loko's before performances "to unleash the creative beast" and can be seen on Youtube smacknig Yo-Yo Ma on the behind and smashing his cello while yelling "Yo not my ma!" A true artist, Chris used this experience to create an interactive art installation where he does slam poetry during bum-fights titled "Bum Slam."
Colleen Higgins
Bridesmaid
Colleen has been my favorite Instagram personality since since she began documenting her time as a singing telegram performer, although Colleen's business didn't last long when it became clear that no matter what you requested she would only sing "smelly cat" from friends. Colleen quickly switched gears to her true calling- the high stakes life of politics, and is now Mitch McConnell's chief of staff after creating an industrial facial tape to help him create the illusion of a chin.