Look, sooner or later, someone is going to get pregnant. And that's when things get expensive. So if you want to ensure that our currently theoretical offspring have diapers to eat and mushed carrots to wear, we'd be incredibly grateful for your donation.

This is a fund for folks who DON'T want Lacey to get pregnant. Overpopulation, the rainforests... We get it! So contribute here to have your baby hatin' voice heard! We'll spend it on non-baby things, like whiskey and horse racing.

Hi, I'm Travis Broyles, soon-to-be groom. Have you ever heard of the All-Clad Tri-Ply Stainless Steel line of pots and pans? It's okay, neither had Lacey. These are top-tier, professional grade, fry-your-bass-off cookin' devices. They will never, ever go bad. No matter how hard I burn the risotto. But how does that affect you? Well, it doesn't. It only affects my bride-to-be, Lacey Valentini, who will have to eat everything I make. So if you want to make sure she gets the best sear on her beloved salmon for the rest of our days, please donate to these pots right here. Thank you and jah bless.