#ALoanNoMore

Tina realized she was Sallie’s not in grand gestures or life-changing adventures. It happened in smaller moments. At the bodega, when she'd conjure her while buying a sandwich even though she had food at home. At her parents', during a holiday meal, when someone would ask about Sallie, & she'd prickle. It wasn't a choice. It was an inevitability. Tina found herself, suddenly, ready. To start, with Sallie. To be finished, with Sallie. To commit, even when the abstract of which had always fully terrified Tina, to a lifetime of Sallie. Sallie was the first person who asked Tina to give of herself, even when she was scared, even when she thought she couldn’t. Sallie knew what she had, Sallie asked, & admittedly, Tina occasionally lied. She wasn’t ready to empty herself. But Sallie always had a way of finding out exactly what was Tina's to give. At first, kindly. Then, forcefully, as though Sallie knew Tina was capable even when she was certain she wasn’t. But she was. She is. To her own surprise, in her yes, she is losing the life she thought she could have. But she is giving the one she had been protecting as her own, & she is giving it not to diminish herself, but to invest in the Tina that will be. A Tina that is buoyed by Sallie's unflappability, sustained by Sallie's persistence, & bound by the pesky fact that she signed herself away to Sallie the minute they'd met, whether Tina realized it or not. Tina has always been someone eager to have shared but hesitant to do the work of sharing. With Sallie, it’s not work. It’s a hobby, a treat, an interest. It’s what makes Tina feel like she's doing it right. It’s a freedom she had never dared imagine. So though it’s not something Tina had agonized over or panicked about or prayed on, it’s what must be. Tina could not be more honored, ecstatic, or legally obligated to give the rest of her life over to Sallie. She cannot wait to be married to her love, her constant, her home, her future. Her student loans. Forever and ever.