Best Man
He's a bum. Stick him in a trash can.
Maid of Honor
Ribbit!
Groomsman
Keep him away from your smaller livestock and uglier daughters.
Bridesmaid
Was told that Subway would be catering. She's stoked.
Groomsman
We tried to book him to DJ the party but we could not afford DONTIS, so we invited the bum instead.
Bridesmaid
Pictured here, smoking a dart.
Groomsman
I'd tell you to ask him about his shrimp but he's probably already told you all about them.
Bridesmaid
Still seems to think the Cowboys will make it past the first round of the playoffs in her lifetime.
Groomsman
Brings his baseball glove to San Francisco Giants games. Is an adult man.
Bridesmaid
Her dog kind of got famous on TikTok.
Groomsman
Does not know he is on here.
Bridesmaid
We told her there would be karaoke just to make sure she'd be there. I don't think there's actually gonna be any karaoke, but please don't tell her that.