Officiant
Having spent years as a monk in an Oregon cave, he now feels prepared to marry two complete strangers.
Ring Bearer
Is constantly frustrated by his lack of verbal skills and can only communicate his immense understanding of Unified Field Theory through various combinations of burps and farts.
Maid of Honor
Is famous for her dissolution and subsequent reinstatement of the Girl Scouts of America. She's very sensitive about her Samoas & Thin Mints, please don't ask.
Maid of Honor
In addition to her normal job in the medical field, Liz has recently found time to finish her dissertation, titled "Reduced Order Modeling of Radiation Diffusion Kinetics via Proper Generalized Decomposition." Nice job Liz!
Bridesmaid
Fueled by wine and tequila, Andie has almost finished the first season of Friends.
Bridesmaid
Although not half-goat, was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for her resolution of the Narnia Internal Conflict of '05.
Bridesmaid
Is currently petitioning to run as an independent in the state senate of New Hampshire. #livefreeordie
Bridesmaid
Unfortunately didn't make the last round of cuts to join the Oregon State Marching Band and instead was relegated to the cheer squad.
Bridesmaid
Was born with similar abilities to the literary Pied Piper of Hamelin. Instead of rats, however, Catie lures jackalopes away with her music. That's why you never see any of them around.
Best Man
Was once mistaken for Michelle Obama. We're all still confused. To be fair, they do have similar tricep definition.
Groomsman
Last month's reports of Bigfoot roaming the Seattle area turn out to only be Michael fishing shirtless. #westillbelieve
Groomsman
Groomsman #6: Please insert bio here unless groomsman resides in California.
Groomsman
Has seen every Golden Girls episode. He's a total Dorothy.
Groomsman
Has dedicated his life to the cultivation of koala meat for human consumption. What a KOALATY man.
Groomsman
While sailing around the world as part of Her Majesty's Navy, he was marooned on a desert island due to an undisclosed relationship with a sea-sponge.