Jewish Wedding FAQs

Question

What does wearing modest attire and dressing modestly mean?

Answer

Practically speaking, modest attire for both men and women includes covering the chest, elbows, and knees. On a deeper level in Jewish tradition, tznius (modesty), is a core value that encompasses not only physical appearance but also speech, behavior, and overall conduct. It's about acting and dressing in a way that aims to draw attention to one's inner beauty through outward regal appearance and action.

Question

What do I need to know if I have never met an Orthodox Jewish person before?

Answer

They may be Shomer Negiah, which literally translates to "observant of touch." Practically speaking, it refers to one who refrains from physical contact with individuals of the opposite gender regardless of their marital status. So, someone who is Shomer Negiah might not shake your hand or hug you, but there’s nothing stopping you both from having a great conversation! While it may sound foreign, this practice is intended to preserve and elevate the sense of touch that a husband and wife would like to share exclusively.

Question

How might this wedding be different from other weddings I’ve been to?

Answer

A traditional Orthodox Jewish wedding ceremony is imbued with incredible levels of depth and spiritual meaning. The events of the day are packed with symbolism and deep seated traditions that emphasize the beauty of the relationship between husband and wife as well as their place among the entire Jewish people. On what is perhaps the greatest day of their young lives, Samantha and Eric will be experiencing a personal Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur is a day of not only reflecting on one's past, but also looking forward to the future. Through these ancient traditions and wedding ceremony, the chosson (groom) and kallah (bride) will experience a spiritual merging of their souls into one united neshama (soul).

Question

What is there to do and see before the wedding ceremony?

Answer

Enjoy the yummy smorgasbord! Check out the Chosson's Tisch (lit. "groom's table"). Eric and his friends will be busy singing and making l’chaims (toasts) at his tisch. The Ketubah (marriage contract) will also be prepared and signed there, thereby becoming a legally binding document. Watch out; a plate will also be broken. The broken plate, which can never be reverted fully to its former state, is symbolic of the everlasting commitment of Eric and Samantha to each other. Go see Samantha at the Kabbalat Panim, literally translated as, the "receiving of the faces". On their wedding day, the bride and groom are likened to a king and queen. Samantha will be seated on a "throne" to greet and give brachot (blessings) to her honored guests. A bride’s blessings are incredibly powerful on her wedding day, so don’t be shy about wishing Samantha “Mazel tov” and asking for a bracha (blessing)! The Bedeken (veiling ceremony) is when things start ramping up. The music will get louder as Eric is escorted by family and friends to where Samantha will be seated. He will place the veil over Samantha face signifying that it is not just good looks that are important, but it is what remains on the inside that truly matters. While exterior beauty is significant, it does not compare to the radiance of the soul and the person beneath the surface. Eric will then be danced away and the guests will make their way to where the magic happens, the chuppah (wedding canopy).

Question

What is the wedding ceremony going to be like?

Answer

The main part of the ceremony takes place under the chuppah (canopy). The chuppah is symbolic of the home that the couple will build, and just as the chuppah is open on all sides, so too should the couple’s home be an open and warm environment to all and filled with unconditional love and appreciation for each other. Eric will walk down the aisle first with his parents and wait for Samantha under the chuppah. Samantha will then walk down the aisle with her parents. When she arrives at the chuppah she will circle around Eric seven times, symbolic of breaking down any walls between them and simultaneously creating a protective space solely for the two of them. Marriage in Jewish law becomes official when the groom gives an object of value to the bride (this stage is referred to as "kiddushin"). This is traditionally done with a simple gold ring in clear view of two witnesses and Eric will declare in Hebrew to Samantha, "Behold, you are betrothed unto me with this ring, according to the law of Moses and Israel." This, though it may not be the most tear-jerking moment, is the pinnacle of the wedding ceremony. At this point the two are officially married! Then the Ketubah, written in Aramaic (the common language of the Jews in biblical times), is read and shortly thereafter, seven blessings are recited by influential Rabbis to both the bride and groom. The blessings offer gratitude to G-d, along with well-wishes for the couple both in the present and for their future together. Finally, the part that surely everyone has seen in the movies, Eric will stomp on a glass with his right foot as a reminder that we still yearn for the full rebuilding of Jerusalem and the Temple. Then, you'll all shout "Mazel tov"!

Question

What happens after the ceremony?

Answer

Immediately after everyone yells "Mazel tov!", Eric and Samantha will be danced out to a private room called the yichud (seclusion) room. At this point, all the guests will make their way to the reception area and begin eating. Eric and Samantha will meet you there in a bit, so get ready for some serious dancing! It's party time! The wedding seudah (meal) will feature eating, drinking, and lots and lots of dancing. When Samantha and Eric are ready to enter the room, they will be greeted by lively singing and dancing. Samantha will be dancing with the women on one side of the dance floor separated by a mechitza (partition) from Eric who will be surrounded by the men on the other side of the dance floor. Throughout the dancing, the bride and groom will take periodic breaks and sit on chairs on the dance floor which is a great opportunity for guests to entertain them. In Judaism, it is a mitzvah to make the bride and groom happy and full of simcha (joy) on their wedding day, so YOU have a great opportunity to do a mitzvah! This is the time to show off your break dancing moves, back flips, bring out costumes, and display various inside jokes on signs! And that’s pretty much it! Mazel tov! We’re excited to celebrate with you!