M4Abhi
1) 2015
Abhi and Michaela met for the first time back in 2015..
Abhi and Michaela met for the first time back in 2015 on Michaela's very first trip to India doing preliminary research for her dissertation. She met Abhi's uncle, Dakxin, by chance, and with another scholar traveled to Abhi's home city to meet the activist street theater group founded by Dakxin. Terribly, it happened that on the day she arrived, Dakxin's daughter broke her leg! And Dakxin sent his nephew, Abhi, to take the visitors to lunch in his absence. Abhi was not thrilled to host yet another group of strangers, but he did as he was asked out of respect for his uncle. They had a fine lunch and all parties went their separate ways, remaining occasional friends on Facebook.
2) 2016-2017
Michaela moved to India
A year or so later, Michaela moved to India to take a job teaching English and writing at a university in Mumbai and met up with other friends from Abhi's community when they held the first Nomad Film Festival in Delhi. Abhi came along and they all hung out for the night. Another year passed. Abhi spent time skipping college to go film the Dalit Movement protests in Gujarat, police violence in Western Uttar Pradesh, and to work with renowned documentarian, Anand Patwardhan. Michaela took a quick trip home to defend her dissertation and finish her PhD. She then moved to another university in Pune, a few hours south of Mumbai.
3) Winter-Spring 2018
Abhi helps Michaela plan a research project
When it came time to develop a long-term field research project for a group of students, Michaela could think of no better place than Chharanagar, the home of Abhi's community. The students' goal was to chronicle the 20 years of work that Abhi's uncle, Dakxin, and his theater group had done to combat the stigma and descrimination their community has faced since British colonial times. Feeling protective of Dakxin and the community, Michaela was nervous about bringing a group of students to Chharanagar. She started chatting with Abhi online casually, seeking his advice about the matter, as she saw him as a buddy--a friendly face, and less intimidating than Dakxin, whom she respects deeply. They chatted off and on over six months and decided to go ahead with the project.
4) Summer 2018
Abhi documents police violence in his community
Visa difficulties delayed Michaela's travel through the summer, and they were not able to meet as planned. Over the weeks Michaela was arguing with the visa authorities, Abhi left Delhi to return to working with Dakxin and be with family. When she finally returned to Pune, she and Abhi made loose plans to meet in Ahmedabad instead and discuss the project once the term settled in. On 26th July 2018, Michaela woke up in the middle of night--she absent-mindedly checked her facebook only to see posts from Abhi that Chharanagar was being illegally attacked by vindictive police. Other friends were posting as well, but Abhi took it upon himself to document and live stream the event so that the world could see what was happening. Documentation is not just a profession for him but a way of being.
5) 26th July 2018
Michaela documents Chharanagar's response..
Michaela watched through the night and sent messages of solidarity. She and her students shifted their focus to documenting all the media coverage of the 26th July event, as well as the incredible advocacy work that the Budhan Theater members did in organizing aid for people who were hurt or arrested, as well as organizing the community's peaceful but demanding responses. These included marches by children, lawyers, and journalists, and a silent "funeral for law and order” march.
6) August 14, 2018
Meeting in Bombay
When Abhi told her he was to travel to Mumbai, Michaela knew she had to "see the whites of his eyes" after watching the footage of the violence and the responses. She took a 6:00am bus from the highway in Pune and got to Bombay at the height of traffic. She waited seemingly forever for her cab to make its way through the peak of Bombay's midday traffic jam. She tried to buy a single banana but got tired of arguing with the fruitwala and ended up with a bunch of eight! Michaela finally reached the production studio near Juhu Beach and couldn't find the door. Abhi met her on the road with his resplendent wild beard and gave her an enormous bear hug, "Hey ray! Where have you been! I’ve been waiting for you!" They talked about 26th July. Then they talked and talked and drank 4 cups of coffee.
7) August 15,2018
That wasn't supposed to happen...
Michaela had planned to take the bus back to Pune, but Abhi said, "Stay Ray--I'll find us a place to crash!" They met with friends and spent the night, pretending to sleep but wired on separate sides of a shared bed, borrowed from a journalist friend. Michaela went back to Pune bewildered--that wasn't supposed to happen. Abhi went back to Ahmedabad and asked her to be his girlfriend. She said no and not to wait. He said, okay, but that he might wait anyway. Michaela went to Goa. Taking photographs of the birds and fishers, she could only think of sharing the place with Abhi. He was trying to avoid her when she texted, "Wish you were here, dancing to bad techno," but his avoidance didn't last. They talked a lot and decided, cautiously and quietly, to give it a go.
8) September-October 2018
Being discrete..
What followed were several agonizing visits pretending not to be close. Michaela came to Chharanagar, first on a recon visit and then with a group of 17 college students. Respect for family, as well as professionalism with students was paramount. They stayed apart and tried not to look at each other for 8 days. Every time Abhi entered the room, Michaela felt like throwing up from the strain of staying still. Abhi showed up at her hotel every morning at 5 before the students woke. Michaela had to wake the guard to unlock the gate. They sat on the stairs holding hands and talking while the sweeping woman eyed them disapprovingly. When the stall opened, they had a chai, or two to put off the parting, and then parted ways to start the day of work pretending to be indifferent to one another.
9) November 2018
Visiting the Himalayas..
After the project, the discrete meetings began. They stayed in an airbnb on the other side of Pune where no one knew them. They met halfway between Ahmedabad and Pune (in Bombay) and stayed with the small group of friends who were in the loop. They met in Delhi and took a trip to the Himalayas in Himachal Pradesh. They stayed with a family in a village only accessible by trekking. While helping the family prepare garlands for their Diwali celebration, Abhi proposed to Michaela with two gainder (marigolds). He proposed to her again with another two marigolds. And another two. And each time he proposed, he put the flowers in her hair. He even proposed in front of the seven year-old child, who giggled knowingly, and ran away. Who knows what he told his mother!
10) Late 2018
Abhi comes to Pune... Michaela gets sick...
After the mountains, Michaela secured a new apartment that would allow Abhi to visit, and he came for weeks at a time to Pune. When Michaela got very sick at the end of 2018, he watched over her devotedly. When she wanted to wait it out, he always insisted she go to the doctor. When the doctor wasn't good, he took her out of the office to find another one. He traveled all night after an international flight to take her to a colonoscopy. He kneeled at her knees because there weren't enough chairs in the waiting room, and he fell asleep standing up waiting for the procedure to end.
11) June 2019
A terrible parting..
When Michaela decided she had to return to the US for her health, Abhi told her to go. He said, "I won't let you stay in India." They cleaned out the apartment together, and he helped her ship a few of her things. He selflessly stood with her while her friends said tearful goodbyes and rode all the way to the Mumbai airport. They waited in long separate lines to check in for their separate flights. The clock was running down--it wasn't clear there would be time to make the flight and also say goodbye. Abhi was frantic. Michaela was numb. They had no idea what was going to happen to them. They said goodbye. He wouldn't go. She grabbed his shoulders, felt the flannel shirt there, and said, "I love you. And it's time to go."
12) Summer 2019
Uncertain future..
Michaela went through the foggy transition back to America after three years. Abhi went to work finding a way to get over there. He applied to film schools and got admission and a scholarship! He went through a hellscape’s-worth of fiery hoops to secure the funding necessary to get a visa -- every step there was a roadblock that nearly ended the journey, and at the last minute, every time, there was a miracle. Somehow, the money came through. When 70% of student visa's from India were rejected, Abhi walked into the US embassy with a blazer, a shaved face, and utter determination to charm the pants off the agents. And he walked out with a visa, against high odds. He called Michaela in the middle of the night Boston time and said, "I'm finally coming to you." There were tears and calmness.
13) September 2019
Hurricanes and miracles do happen..
Abhi booked his tickets to Savannah, Georgia to attend Savannah College of Art and Design for an MA in film. It all had to be done so quickly, so they didn't know exactly when they would be able to meet up, but they figured being in the same country was an improvement! Nature, however terrible, intervened, sending Hurricane Dorian and shutting down the city of Savannah. Abhi got off the plane in Chicago and bought a ticket to Boston. He arrived the day after Michaela moved into her new apartment. She had only a bed but had bought new sheets that afternoon. Another terrible miracle happened when the pandemic closed everything down. Abhi extended his spring break in Boston indefinitely.
14) Spring-Summer 2020
It's a tiny pandemic wedding afterall...
The time close but far made it clear that they couldn't stand to be apart any longer. And while they had planned to marry in another year, it feels right that the time is now. When Michaela told her mom that she and Abhi had decided to get married, Mom was delighted. Michaela, a life-long proclaimer of the ills of the institution of marriage, asked Mom if she was shocked. She said, "Of course I'm not surprised. I knew before you left India this is where you would end up. You didn't know it yet, but I did." Dad just said, "I'm thrilled. But you're going to need a recipe for crow!" When they finally confessed to Dakxin after a year and a half of remaining "respectful" and "professional" he said, "Oh! Thank you for telling me! I did not know that... somehow I might have smelled it..."
15) Future Plans
M4Abhi & Ghumantu Filmmaking
Michaela continues to work at MIT, and Abhi is finishing his master's degree remotely from Savannah College of Art and Design. The MA review committee has enthusiastically given his thesis film the greenlight! They are hoping to adopt a cat. Abhi comes from a formerly nomadic tribe and Michaela has roamed from coast to coast in the US and from the US to India and back. Abhi and Michaela plan to make films together under the name Ghumantu, which means “nomad.”