During a summer evening, after Jose came back from work, his heart raced as he prepared to express his feelings of attraction to a dear friend from college. He was prepared, determined, and a bit impatient. Jose was ready to finally share what he held in his heart. Yet, alas! Melissa was conveniently not available that evening. He texted Melissa: "Could we meet tomorrow morning for a walk? I'd like to speak to you." After 40 minutes without a reply and only grey bubbles formulating a response, he finally received a "Yes. I'll see you tomorrow." Sleep fled both that evening. As Jose paced back and forth in his apartment, Melissa was next door in Judit’s apartment journaling and praying about the conversation that would happen in a few hours. The next morning, they both went for a walk to Berrien Springs’ local cemetery with a notebook in Jose’s hand where he had crafted his thoughts and feelings in a succinct statement. It felt very formal, but it was the safest way to keep the friendship and possibly set things up for later. Jose pulled out his notebook and shared with Melissa how he felt. He felt relieved! Then, she glanced at him to provide a practical and pre-rehearsed answer: "I just moved to town, so I hope you don't expect to start anything anytime soon." They agreed that it wasn't the right time. Thus, in order to protect their friendship, they drafted a contract. It was a bullet-pointed set of guidelines to foster trust, outline boundaries, and hopefully set themselves up for success – as friends or as a couple. After all, marriage is a journey of friendship and love.

After five months of struggling to get a first date, we finally settled on the first weekend of December 2017. I got dressed in my new J.Crew shirt, sprayed on Kenneth Cole, and headed for a final check from Steven at around noon. When I walked in, I was surprised to find Valerie (his wife), Judit, and Melissa in pajamas chatting away! My heart sank. How could my date not be ready for our first date! It was only an hour away. The clock kept ticking as I drove to her apartment and waited. Every moment felt like the last one. However, as soon as I saw her, all my doubts went away. She was ready to partake in the adventure I had prepared. We drove my Nissan Xterra to downtown South Bend, with a special playlist from Felipe, where I had an interactive date planned for us. As we arrived, I handed her envelopes with hand-drawn pictures of all the places we could visit. There was a cup for hot chocolate, a bowl for Pho, and a little park for an excursion. I had prepared the randomness, but she selected the perfect combination. We started by painting pottery, an activity she had liked doing growing up. We talked, painted, and enjoyed our time together as we recounted the Thanksgiving memories the previous week. After some mandatory dark hot chocolate, we headed to eat some Vietnamese delicatessens. It was after 6 o'clock when we finished our meal, just in time to head back from our date. Although she had classes the next day, she asked me to go to the next activity, knowing it was “overtime”. I was flattered. We walked around the park, chatted, and shared stories that helped us connect the dots about our lives. It was the perfect way to end that day. Months later someone asked about our first date and as I recounted the story, Melissa said, "oh, that one did not count!" For Melissa, the first date that mattered was not the gooey and romantic one, but the raw five hour conversation a few days later at Barnes & Noble. I guess counting is always different for everyone.