join us to celebrate

J: Why did you put um uh? M: Because that's what you said J: I have to go to work, we'll write this later How did we meet? I'm glad you asked. This story is being told from my point of view. There are many different versions but this is the truth-MY TRUTH. Who am I? I am Joe. When I was a small child all envied my long gold hair. So much that a witch kidnapped me! She locked me away in a tower in North Las Vegas and fed me only the softest of lettuce. I watched the world change from my tower. Walkmans became iPods and iPods became iPhones. As the years passed I wondered when my princess would come to save me. A LONG A$$ time went by and finally I saw her- the most wonderful person in the whole world. Every day I would throw down my hair and she would tie a bottle of only the rarest tequila to it so we could get white girl wasted together. Those were the days. Over time we fell in love, it wasn't even about the free tequila anymore. It was so much more. I wanted to escape but the evil witch would still visit every day. You see... my hair was magic. She would sing a magic song while she brushed my hair and instantly anything she ate that day would disappear, it was like the calories didn't exist! She was never going to let me go. My love for the princess was only growing deeper so we made a plan. I would lift her into my tower. I was so nervous but slowly she was lifted into my tower and was hella impressed with the funko pop collection I had acquired over the years locked in the tower with access to amazon prime. The day was here! My princess was here to rescue me! She spoke of many places that we would travel to together like a giant apple and Pahrump. Right as we were about to kiss, the witch appeared! The witch went to cast a killing spell but my princess turned out to not be a muggle and drew her wand quicker! BAM she Avada Kedavrad that witch! I was saved! We used my hair to climb down the tower and finally shared true loves first kiss. And also got a haircut. The kiss broke the spell and the tower ended up being something called the Rio Hotel. Now, we invite you to our wedding to celebrate our happily ever after.