We're Getting Married!

Let me tell y’all about Marie; first off, the only way to get a Marie is to match with her best friend on Tinder and invite them both to a party. Then you have to shamelessly flirt for a week before she even realizes you like her. (Pro tip. Don’t try to fix her thermostat for her) Once she realizes, be ready because she is going to shut your ass down quicker than shit, but don’t worry, you’re not done. The next step is to sit down with your dog and you say I’m going out of town for a few days you’re going to have to escape while I’m gone. Naturally, your pup obliges. So you leave town, and the next thing you know, you get a phone call that your dog isn’t at your house (act surprised). Then you “freak out” and post on all of your social media asking people to look for her. In the meantime, your pup is going to make her way near Marie’s apartment because all dogs love Marie, and she loves all dogs. They will find each other, then you make her break into your house to take the pup home, and she will realize that if she wants to play with that puppy, she’s gonna have to put up with the dumbass that the puppy lives with and just like that you have a Marie I know it seems like a lot of effort but it’s worth it. Once you have secured your Marie she is going to bite you and pinch you and smack you with pillows and generally abuse you but she will also do your laundry and cook for you and come over to your house and clean it while you’re at work that will go on for a little while. Before you know it, she will have moved into your house (with or without your permission). Now you come home from work to pure joy like a little kid on Christmas morning joy, all because you walked in the door, she missed you. All you're gonna want to do is get out of your work clothes and relax before tomorrow. It's not a problem. She will relax with you, or rather, I say on you, when you win your Marie, you also become a chair. She will take care of you and she will manage your life; don’t know where your hat is? She does. Don’t know where your keys are? She does every single time. Need your big ass dog bathed and you’re out of town all the time? No problem babe. Toilet acting funny while you’re out of town? No problem, she’ll be in the smacking shit with a pair of channel locks to fix it (after you tell her which ones are the channel locks); she’s going to find one little abnormality on you and will force you to go to the doctor because it HAS to be cancer. (she’s a hypochondriac) You give up and go to the doctor just so she will stop bugging you about it. Guess what? She was right; you do have cancer (just a little bit, though, you’ll be fine). Your family will tell you that you aren’t allowed to leave her because she saved your life. And all she will want in return for all of this amazing shit she does for you? Nothing; tell her you love her and call her pretty and a couple of other tiny little things (a ring and a child) Of course, all of this information is useless to you because there is only one Marie, and I got her 1 year ago today, July 10th, 2022 She is the prettiest, sweetest, most caring, goofy woman on this planet, and she couldn’t be any more perfect for me. Happy anniversary, sweetheart. I love you.

The year we met, McKenion and I went to a church parking lot after the city fireworks. We stayed there until 4 in the morning, talking and learning about each other. The same cop showed up twice that night to ensure we weren't doing anything "naughty" (as Grammarly decided it needed to be written). We even asked him to meet us there next year, "if he brings the bracelets, we'll get the milkshakes". After that night, we knew nothing could separate us. Thus began our tradition: each year, after the city fireworks, we go to the church and set off our own. In 2023, we continued our tradition; we even brought milkshakes for the officer, but sadly, we later found out he was off on the Fourth this year. Instead, we stayed there again and did donuts. So, in 2024, when Kenion told me he wanted to go to the church again, it was no surprise. We planned everything, went to Wyoming to get the good fireworks, and when it came time, we went to the church. After setting off half of the fireworks, Kenion pulled me in front of them, got down on one knee, and asked if I would marry him. It was the most magical moment I could have asked for, with my mom on facetime and all my friends there to celebrate.