Matron of Honor
I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lime. And a shot of tequila.
Bridesmaid
I only need one wiener in my life, and he has 4 legs.
Bridesmaid
I like my investments where I can see them…in my closet.
Bridesmaid
I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom!
Bridesmaid
Life isn’t all diamonds and rosé, but it should be.
Bridesmaid
Beer is good. Beers are better!
Best Man
Business in the front. Party in the back!
Groomsman
I am Batman!
Groomsman
I am good at quite a few things, however, none of them are useful.
Groomsman
Retired party animal
Groomsman
Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.
Groomsman
I’m Jessie Henneman? Stay classy Dallas!