We're getting married!

Thomas and Jessica matched on the dating app "Bumble." Both had recently gotten out of "flings" and were unsure whether they should take a dating hiatus. Yet both decided to press on, keeping their dating app profiles a bit longer. On his Bumble, Thomas had a glowing "BFF Review" of himself from his friends Cara and Crystal. Jessica was skeptical. Her first message read: "I don't believe your friends made your profile. Looks like chat GPT work." Just three day later, Jessica and Thomas matched on a separate dating app, "Hinge." Undeterred by Jessica's skepticism on Bumble, and quite taken by her beauty, Thomas messaged her on Hinge as well: "You remind me of this cool girl on Bumble who thinks I'm chatGPT." Miraculously, Jessica found this amusing and the two continued to message on both dating apps. Jessica and Thomas met at White Dog Café in University City for their first date. After what he thought was a lovely date, Thomas excused himself to the restroom. While he was gone, Jessica decided to use the restroom as well without notifying Thomas. Thomas returned to a cleared table with no Jessica in sight. Embarrassed and confused, Thomas sat at the table by himself for a few minutes with, in Jessica's words, the face of a sad puppy dog. Just when Thomas was about to ask the wait staff if his date had left, Jessica emerged from the bathroom, only to laugh at Thomas' sad puppy dog face. The two departed with a quick hug, although Thomas was hoping for a kiss. Thomas assumed he would never hear from Jessica again. He was wrong. Not only did the two lovebirds continue chatting on Bumble and Hinge, but they also began messaging on Instagram, LinkedIn, and iMessage. Thomas' plan was simple: Jessica had a busy career as a nurse. If Thomas could maintain five simultaneous conversations, the chances Jessica would have time to message other men declined significantly. The plan worked. Thomas and Jessica were "talking" exclusively after only one date. But another problem arose. Jessica revealed shortly before their second date that she was not looking for "anything serious" because she planned to go to medical school, and would likely attend schools as far as DC, Vermont, or Chicago. Thomas was devastated. Indeed, he called an emergency phone session with his therapist, as well as several friends, all of whom advised him that he should not attend the second date and instead politely inform Jessica that he was looking for a long-term partner. He took their advice. Just kidding. Thomas ignored them. He attended their second date. This time, while Thomas was again in the bathroom, Jessica told the waiter that it was Thomas' birthday (it was not) to obtain free gelato. Thomas returned from the restroom only to receive a vanilla gelato with a birthday candle, and a free rendition of "Happy Birthday" from Jessica. While Jessica did not exactly impress regarding Thomas' stringent standards for quality vocals, she caused his heart to melt nonetheless. Thomas was more in love, and Jessica appeared to be coming around. They finished the night with a kiss. Fast forward a few more dates. Thomas and Jessica had dinner on a Thursday night. Thomas had a bit too much to drink to safely drive home. But Jessica, forever the chaste woman, would not let Thomas into her apartment even if only to have some water and sober up. Instead, the two killed time outside her apartment building, when suddenly, a large Russian woman began yelling at Thomas in her native tongue. Confused, Thomas said the only word he knew in Russian from his time playing the Rabbi's son in Fiddler on the Roof: "Nostrovia!" The Russian woman did not take kindly to the butchering of her culture and proceeded to punch Thomas squarely in the nose. Thomas used the temporary sympathy this garnered from Jessica to ask her to be his girlfriend. She said yes. And the rest, as they say, is history.