Wedding Party
Gigi Lorincz
Maid of Honor
Sweet lil sister of the bride. Been best friends with the bride since birth and not by any choice of her own.
Oguz Cangoz
Best Man
Works a lot with computer. Revolutionized the "hunt and peck" method for typing. Inventor of the microwavable battery. Mentioned multiple times how much he appreciates a Honda Civic.
Karen Stadtmueller
Bridesmaid
Fellow Girl Scout since first grade. Wouldn’t have survived 12 years of Catholic school without each other.
Amy Speicher
Bridesmaid
An amazing addition to my list of sisters.
Erin Taylor
Bridesmaid
The pitcher to my catcher. Can always catch us enjoying a beer and signaling strikes to each other every Wednesday during the summer.
Zach Burns
Groomsman
Traveled to South America to smuggle rare and exotic seeds back to the united states. Won a lawsuit against Monsanto for seed copy right. Holds multiple records in riding lawnmower freestyle competitions.
Roddy Geiger
Groomsman
5th place finisher in season 42 of survivor. Left voluntarily rather than being voted out because he was quoted: "It's Sunday and the birds are on, bozo."
Matt Brazil
Groomsman
Matt is a shark in a pool of goldfish. Orchestrated the collapse of Enron and the corruption found within the Panama Papers. CIA affiliated. Call sign: Casita Height: 6'5" Weight: 250 lbs 40 time: 4.20 seconds
John Speicher
Groomsman
Swam through miles of Kraft cheese and came out clean on the other side. Orchestrated a coup at the top and is responsible for the split of Kraft and Heinz. Whereabouts currently unknown.
Mike DiMaggio
Groomsman
Collected seed money from Kevin Garnet to facilitate an 8 leg parlay to pay off other debts. Adam Sandler played him in the movie Uncut Gems.
Joe Massott
Groomsman
Ex Pagan (bike broke down and they left). Now devoted to revolutionizing the perpetual stew and the use of indoor generators. Can do a backflip, ask him.
