FAQs

Question

A Little Background

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Judaism teaches that forty days before a person is conceived, Hashem declares who he or she will marry, bringing two halves together as one. They are then separated, setting into motion a chain of events to bring the two back together. From far and wide, through seemingly unlikely, unrelated circumstances, the separated halves are reunited. Returning to their natural state of togetherness and oneness, the couple’s journey is culminated by their fusion beneath the chupah. It is also why a Jewish wedding is so holy. It is no coincidence that the Hebrew term for wedding is kiddushin, which stems from the root word “kodesh,” meaning holy. Much more than a ceremony or symbolic ritual, it represents the cosmic significance of bringing the chosson (groom) and kallah (bride) back together again in a miraculous way so that they can achieve happiness and fulfilment, and, according to the Zohar, begin the creation of a new world — i.e., a family that will affect all future generations.

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Wedding Day

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The wedding day is the happiest and holiest day of one’s life. Considered as a personal Yom Kippur for the couple, it is a day where all past mistakes are forgiven as they merge into one. It is a day of new beginnings and clean slates. Likened to Israel and God at the giving of the Torah, the bride and groom fast just as the Israelites did before receiving the Torah. Just as the love between God and Israel was so strong that the Israelites could not even think about food, the same is true of the bride and groom on their wedding day. Asher and Lindsay will fast not only to atone for their past mistakes but as a plea to Hashem that they have a totally harmonious relationship moving forward, and that they be spared any problems in marriage. Removing the distractions of physicality, the fast will also help them to direct their consciousness toward the spiritual aspects of their marriage, serving to preserve the bond of love that exists between them.

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Kabbalat Panim & Tisch

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Following the strong custom to not see each other for the entire week before the wedding — both to build even further anticipation and excitement for the day, as well as to capitalize on some alone time for introspection and reflection — Asher and Lindsay will be separate. The women will join the bride in her Kabbalat Panim and the men in the Chosson’s Tisch. Lindsay will keep the ancient practice of sitting on a “throne” surrounded by her friends and family, giving and receiving heartfelt blessings to her guests, a very powerful opportunity due to the high spirituality of the day. In a separate area, Asher will be greeted as a king as he sits at the head of a table with family, friends and mentors. Festive with toasts and singing all around, the Tisch is also when the ketubah — the undertaking by the groom to provide for all the physical and spiritual needs of his beloved bride — is completed and signed.

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Bedeken - The Yiddish reference for the veiling of the bride

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A procession is headed by Asher and goes to the place where Lindsay is sitting — an energetic moment for many reasons, one being that this will be the first time that they see each other in a week. Asher will place the veil over Lindsay's face, a biblical custom symbolizing modesty. It is a time where no one other than the bride’s husband will gaze at her beauty, as it is for her husband alone. It also shows that the groom is not primarily interested in the bride for her physical beauty, but instead her spiritual qualities. It is Asher saying to Lindsay, “I will love, cherish and respect not only the ‘you’ which is revealed to me, but also those elements of your personality that are hidden from me. As I am bonding you in marriage, I am committed to creating a space within me for the totality of your being — for all of you, all of the time.” Likewise, it is Lindsay's demonstration that she has such utter faith in Asher as to follow him unconditionally into their marriage.

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The Chupah

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Once the bride is veiled, the couple is led to the chupah for the ceremony. The chupah, open on all four sides, represents the home that Lindsay and Asher will build, modeled after Abraham and Sarah’s tent — an open environment overflowing with hospitality and warmth. It symbolizes Lindsay's and Asher's commitment to establish a home which will be dominated by spiritual ideals rather than the pursuit of earthly accomplishments and physical wealth. To emphasize their mutual commitment to each other and not their possessions, both Asher and Lindsay will remove any jewelry from themselves. It is customary for the groom to wear a kittel, a long white robe. Those escorting the chosson and kallah down the aisle, like royalty, carry candles to indicate that the couple’s life together will be one of light and joy, and that when there is love and harmony between man and woman, Hashem’s light is with them.

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The Seven Circles

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Asher will be led first, inviting Lindsay as his bride into his domain under the chupah. Lindsay will circle Asher seven times like a queen to her king, creating an invisible wall around him into which she will step to the exclusion of all others. The circling symbolizes the lofty encompassing Godly light which dwells upon the married couple, and seven signifies completion, the passage beyond the physical into the spiritual. Just as the seventh day of creation was the Shabbat, the completion of the world, so too do the seven circles signify the couple’s completed quest for each other. Lindsay circles Asher seven times, rising higher and higher until she becomes a crown on his head, as the Shabbat is a crown to the seven days of the week.

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The Ceremony -- PART ONE— the Erusin (betrothal)

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Erusin, closely related to the word “aras,” means to bind. To complete the binding of Asher and Lindsay, a blessing is recited over wine and Asher puts a ring on Lindsay's right forefinger. The wine symbolizes joy and the idea that Asher and Lindsay's marriage should only get better with time. As far as the ring, the theme of the wedding is to surround — a veil surrounds the bride, the bride encircles her groom, the chupah surrounds them both. The giving of the perfectly round ring on Lindsay's right forefinger symbolizes the aura of protection Asher will give to Lindsay; the right hand represents love; and the forefinger represents the Hebrew letter vav, which acts as a connecter — it is the bride’s ability to actualize her husband’s spirituality into something physical, i.e. a home, that epitomizes her beauty and strength. After the giving and accepting of the ring, the ketubah is read aloud.

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The Ceremony -- PART TWO-- Nesuin (marriage)

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Nesuin, derived from the word nasa, meaning to carry, symbolizes Asher and Lindsay's commitment to carry one another. It is effectuated by the chupah and the recitation of the Sheva Brachot (Seven Blessings) over another cup of wine. It is at this point that the souls of the groom and bride reunite to become one. Finally — a cup is wrapped and placed beneath the right foot of the groom. Asher stomps and shatters the glass and everyone yells “Mazal Tov!” This ritual at such a climactic moment reminds us of life’s fragility, the imperfection that still exists in this world. Moreover, it is a wonderful reminder that when your spouse breaks something during your life together, you too should shout “Mazal Tov!” and say, “Thank you Hashem for giving me a real person in my life, not an angel; a mortal human being who is characterized by fluctuating moods, inconsistencies and flaws.”

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Yichud

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Immediately after the chupah, Lindsay and Asher are danced out to the “yichud room” — a private room where they will be alone together for the first time after a week apart. As a married couple, they will finally break their fast, perhaps exchange gifts and savor the beginning of their new life together. Even while surrounded by a crowd clamouring to shower them with love and attention, they take a break to be there for each other — an important lesson for marriage: the couple should never allow the hustle and bustle of life to completely engulf them; instead, they must always find private time for each other. It is during this time that our guests will make their way to the reception to eat, drink and be together in wonderful spirits.

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Reception

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Once the groom and bride exit the yichud room, they are ceremoniously greeted with music, singing, toasting, dancing and more. On their wedding day, as well as during the entire following week of Sheva Brachot during which it is customary for friends and relatives to host festive meals in honor of the chosson and kallah, the bride and groom are wined and dined and treated like a royal couple. There is total and absolute fun and merriment at all times. After the meal, Birkat Hamazon (Grace After Meals) is recited, and the Sheva Brachot are repeated.