Shit Just Got Real

Hey, we move fast, so let’s break this tale down to it’s bullet points… FEBRUARY 27, 2020 – Just days before the worldwide COVID lockdown, Kate Domina picks Andrew Younghusband up in a Toronto bar. Fireworks. MARCH 2, 2020 – Kate tells Andrew that due to the imminent lockdown, cruise ships are now offering 90% discounts to anyone stupid enough to get on one. MARCH 5, 2020 – Kate and Andrew board a cruise ship. In the Bahamas, the excited new couple enjoy scooter rides, conch fritters, sunburns, deep conversations and more sweaty laughs than anyone else on board. This fling might be more than a fling. APRIL 10, 2020 – Lockdown is now in full effect. On a remote island in Lake Simcoe, Kate and Andrew move into a cottage together. They bring $1,000.00 worth of groceries, $1,000.00 worth of alcohol, and endless art supplies. For water, a chainsaw is used to cut a hole through the lake ice. If five days on a cruise ship was a test, this months-long experience of sponge baths and isolation will be the exam. SUMMER 2020 – Total cottage bliss. SEPTEMBER 23, 2020 – Kate and Andrew snap a wishbone. Somehow, each knows that the other’s wish is for children. NOVEMBER 29, 2020 – Kate and Andrew abandon the cottage. They drive with Mowgli, Kate’s 5 pound Chihuahua, to New Melbourne, Newfoundland. The seaside hamlet has less than 50 residents, and the cabin they will live in has no central heat. The laughs continue, but now with mice. Lots of mice. Holy shit, the mice! MARCH 20, 2021 – Kate is pregnant. And yes, it’s intentional! Why do so many people ask that? MAY 17, 2021 – Kate and Andrew purchase 2 acres of land in New Melbourne. On it, they will build their self-designed dream home. The mice can have the old place. JULY 8, 2021 – Kate and Andrew acquire a boat. Cod fishing, squid jigging and whale watching becomes the new normal. Life is sweet. SEPTEMBER 12, 2021 – Ground is broken for the creation of the dream home. DECEMBER 21, 2021 – Iris Ilze Younghusband is born. Pure love. MAY 7, 2022 – Dream home construction begins. The house includes an elaborate sound system, a kitchen to die for, and a professional hydroponics room. Thanks to this basement grow-op space, Andrew will shift from being “TV Boy” to “That Guy Who Brings Basil To Restaurants.” AUGUST 14, 2022 – Kate decides that she will no longer paint commissions. From here on, she will only create art that she feels inspired to produce. She doesn’t know it yet, but in less than 18 months Kate will have representation in Toronto, New York and Bangkok. Her controversial work, which usually sells before it hits the gallery wall, features more tits than a 1982 Hustler magazine. MARCH 16, 2023 – After peeing on several thousand sticks, Kate announces to Andrew that she is pregnant. Again, it was intentional! Why do people keep asking that? CANADA DAY, 2023 – The dream home is almost complete. Kate and Andrew move in. Despite the lack of a lawn, they throw a housewarming pig roast. For this party, the population of New Melbourne triples. OCTOBER 4, 2023 – Lucille Anita Younghusband is born. Pure love times two. JANUARY 9, 2024 – Over the intoxicating sounds of happy children and two dogs, Kate slowly and deliberately clears her throat. She reminds Andrew that getting married is every little girls dream. A long pause follows. APRIL 22, 2024 – Andrew proposes to Kate in Jamaica. She says, yes.