They've decided on forever!

It was the summer of 2005 and Mark screeched through McDonald’s car park in Denton like he was in a scene from Fast and Furious. Mark’s bad boy persona soon let him down though, because what sounded like a Ferrari, was in fact, a Rover 200. While Joanne was serving a customer at an awaiting car outside, she heard the commotion and looked up, catching her first glance of Mark in his pretend race car. Instantly, she thought, “What an arse,” or words more explicitly to that effect. She couldn’t deny she wasn’t attracted to him. She didn’t usually go for blond guys but she couldn’t take her eyes off him—or his rubbish car. However, she couldn’t stand there and gaze at idiot pretty boys all day, she had a job to get back to, and well, those burgers weren’t going to serve themselves.

A few weeks later, their paths crossed again on a night out. For eighteen-year olds with limited funds, Mark’s idea of a night out consisted of cruising in his car. Not that Joanne ever mentioned this to her father, just in case he murdered the guy doing car spins in Morrisons car park and putting his little girl in harm's way. (FYI, this only happened once and by accident. Mark never felt the need to scare the life out of himself again.) As luck would have it, Mark, or “Goose” as his mates called him, was friends with a guy Joanne worked with (Hi Dawson!). The meet cute situation was hampered by Mark dating Joanne’s friend, which made talking, flirting and being in the same car slightly awkward. Though they didn’t speak that night Joanne couldn’t help but be drawn to how sweet and shy Mark seemed. Fast forward a few more weeks… Mark was single again, and true love it seemed was about to have its way. Finally free to give into their growing connection, it turned out they had a lot in common. They liked Laurel and Hardy, Hip Hop music, movies and their dads share the same birthday. I mean, what are the chances! They also got to know each other on an emotional level and they spoke about anything and everything. They texted and instant messaged each other as much as they could. Eventually, the friendship lines began to blur and they fell in love. On November 5th, or thereabouts, (they actually can’t remember the exact date) they officially became boyfriend and girlfriend.

Now, it’s a good job Joanne is a believer in second chances because if she hadn’t have ignored the first ‘I love you’ that Mark “accidentally” texted a week after they had been going out...well you could have been attending someone else’s wedding. He said he meant to put, ‘I like you’ and that autocorrect changed it. But this was 2005, we all know that autocorrect didn’t get into its arsehole stride until around 2013. I mean, when has anyone ever meant to spell duck off? She knew he was lying so he didn’t sound like an eager beaver one week into their relationship, but she gave him the benefit of the doubt. She’s nice like that. The next time Mark said I love you, it was in person and not by text, so he got brownie points for that. However, Joanne had been hurt in the past (teenage love, right?) and she didn’t want to rush things. So, she kept him waiting. (Now Joanne finally realizes why she waited so long for Mark to put a ring on her finger. Tit for tat, babe.) Eventually she felt ready. When she knew the pretend bad boy from Offerton wasn’t like all the other idiot guys she’d met, and that he was in fact the sweetest boy she ever knew and he was completely head over heels in love with her, she finally uttered the words. Wait, that’s wrong. She didn’t say it. No, she was a lot more romantic about it. She drew the words on his back with her finger while she was tickling his back. (FYI, Mark is now in his thirties and like a child, still likes having his back being tickled. And Joanne can only have herself to blame for setting that trend.) In fact, she did this for weeks but when numbnuts wasn’t getting the clue, she realized she’d have to step it up a notch. So, after weeks of keeping him waiting, she finally put the poor guy out of his misery and told him she loved him. With actual words this time.

Since Joanne & Mark started dating, a lot has happened. There have been holidays to Cyprus with Bailey’s and lemonade (just ask Lynne Pye, or even better Colin Delve!), university graduation, new jobs, incredible vacations to Florida. They became Aunty and Uncle to their amazing niece Caitlin, and Mark became a big brother again to his sisters, Alex and Madeleine. They’ve celebrated at weddings, mourned at funerals. They moved into their first home, celebrated two milestone birthdays together. They became parents (ahem, dog parents) to their beautiful beagle, Molly. Joanne followed her dreams by becoming a published author, while Mark perfected his snowboarding skills (and became a movie expert with films that are just “all right.”) There have been mishaps, some funny, some not so funny; mostly funny though. And after thirteen years, Mark finally put a ring on it. Sure, he took his bloody time but he got there in the end.

“How did he propose?” I hear you ask. Sorry to disappoint, but there is no prince charming story here. It was the most unromantic proposal known to man. There was no getting down on one knee or romantic settings with candlelight. Mark didn’t even pop the actual question of, “Will you marry me?” Nope. Nada. Not once. Mark just decided he was taking Joanne ring shopping after she (not so subtly) told him she wanted to be his wife and not his girlfriend anymore. Though, it must be mentioned that Mark did pick out Joanne’s engagement ring, so it wasn’t a complete fail. Their wedding however is set to make up for the romance the engagement lacked. Joanne will make sure of that! I mean, she is a romance author after all. (Just a shameless plug here for my girl Joanne - if any of you like contemporary romance with a bit of steam, Joanne writes under the pen name of Elena Matthews. Just search for it on Amazon; David Pye, this doesn’t apply to you. Joanne may be in her early thirties, but she would still like you to see her as your little girl.)

So, after fourteen years (now 15 years, thanks to Covid!), Joanne and Mark are finally getting married. And after two postponed weddings, they can’t wait to vow their forever in front of their family and friends on August 1st. They were just teenagers when they met, now they are adults with grey hair in places where it shouldn’t be. It’s been said (by both Mark’s Dad and Grandad) that Joanne is the best thing to happen to Mark and that they are a match made in heaven. Joanne would agree, she really has been the best thing to happen to him. To quote Amy Farrah Fowler from The Big Bang Theory: “I turned this one into a functioning boyfriend, so the sky's the limit.” Joanne certainly turned Mark into a functioning boyfriend, now it’s time for her to turn him into a functioning husband. Wish her the best of luck. She’s got some work on her hands. Then again, Joanne isn’t exactly a picnic in the park either. But if Mark follows the simple rule that women are always right, then turning Joanne into a functioning wife should be as easy as pie. Though, he’ll always have to deal with the bobbles lying around the house, her hair clogging up the shower drain and those damn wet paper towels littered everywhere. Sorry Mark, just some habits won’t ever change.