Unless your crotch goblins were specifically invited we truly must ask that you leave them with some form of a babysitter (all though you may want to ask that they sit on the couch instead). As much as we love all of your families, we have gone to great lengths to keep this adventure small and very intimate which unfortunately meant that anyone young enough to still routinely enjoy the fruits of their own nose, must be asked not to join in the adventures. Some exceptions do exist for children who are especially close to the bride and groom or who were conceived within a few months of the proposal.
While we are not specifically disallowing the consumption of alcoholic beverages, the bride and groom will not be serving anything stronger than butter beer. We strongly encourage all attendees to put their best foot forward and remain in a state that wouldn't make your ancestors cry. In the event that you choose to partake of the Jesus juice, we do ask that you keep it discreet, drink in moderation, and plan a sober ride!
While some may claim that the answer to this is no, the groom would like to very disrespectfully disagree and is happy to perform ritualized sacrifice on anyone who says otherwise...
We understand that lake weddings can certainly be confusing so we are allowing a wide array of clothing options. We do, however, prefer that all of our guests wear clothing that prevents them from being arrested for indecent exposure. On a side note, we ask that anyone wishing to wear socks with their sandals get a formal catholic blessing before entering the property... or an exorcism!
While we are able to accommodate some dietary restrictions, others we have found quite challenging. If for instance, you have a medical history that includes being bitten by a werewolf during a partial moon and now need raw meat for every meal, we would ask that you bring your own meal. Vegetarians, on the other hand, we hope you like beans.
While we are hoping to have all holes that need to be punched handled before the main event, we understand some times a long range cordless hole puncher just feels good to have with you. That being said, we ask that if you choose to bring yours with, you keep it in its holster unless the need to punch holes arises, in which case we ask you aim judiciously. ALL LONG RANGE CORDLESS HOLE PUNCHERS MUST BE SAFELY AND LEGALLY HANDLED AT ALL TIMES.
Parking will be provided at the rental cabins just north of the venue. There will definitely be signs posted. Overall, we are asking that people not bring more vehicles than what are strictly necessary and please consider carpooling with other guests... or random old men who smell like cheese... we don't judge.
We are truly hoping that this experience will be less of a wedding and more of an awesome party with our friends and family where we will just so happen to commit to spend the rest of our lives with each other. Feel free to relax knowing that there will be no kneeling required!
Wow, that's impressive. If you do find yourself needing some kind of special assistance that hasn't already been addressed please feel free to reach out to either the bride or groom and we will be happy to make arrangements to help make sure that everyone can enjoy this day!