The terms “we” and “us” will come to stand in for “Arin and Jacob,” with either name being used as the respective perspective becomes necessary. [writer’s note - we know, it sounds weird to us too.] Warning - tenses may change without warning
It was a drizzly, cool night in Lawrence, KS. It’s said that first impressions are important. It isn’t that we’re selfish, but we never thought of the other before that night. We had never met, and likely never would have if literally every circumstance throughout all of history had not occurred in precisely the sequence it did. The most recent of events which coalesced to bring us within talking distance for the first time was the inaugural outing of Jacob’s band and an invitation extended by mutual friends to Arin, who was new to KC at the time. Jacob couldn’t have known that calling over the microphone for a simple cup of water would amount to a footnote worthy action in a web of experience. Arin surely wasn’t aware that responding to a stranger’s request for relief would become a cherished memory, a still reverberating note hanging at the top staff of an unfinished opera, inquisitive harmonies challenging the prospects of a mere random universe. The weather cleared. Gear was loaded up. New yet familiar eyes caught on the patio as someone was having a smoke. “Arin, right?” was uttered as a hand lunged for cordial mimicry. Sharing oxygen, our pioneering conversation ensued, setting a precedent of fantastic realism for any possible future encounters.
Arin came over to hang out at the band-house one friday night soon after initially meeting Jacob, who at this point was neutral to her presence. Throughout an evening that was intended to be a mere band bonding experience, a chemical reaction took place within and between us. In a lull of communal festivities, Arin took to bedding on the lawn to appreciate the stars. In his personal turmoil of trying to get straight answers from an asphalt driveway, Jacob saw this tranquil human in his periphery. In this moment, these polar opposites of disposition attracted, with the gentler of the two having the more alluring of pulls. Sharing basic astrological facts ignited a curiosity for each other which required further and immediate investigation. The warm breeze helped us to our feet. The cicadas applauded. Something about early-fall nights encourages adventure, so we took the basic necessities (a basketball; a notebook; a car with stereo. Only the latter of which were used) to the nearby and lovely Hyde Park to let our feet set the pace of conversation. The blur of excited anticipation and childlike abandon that comes from getting lost in a sandcastle of mutual revelation made the night seem never ending. Finally, the dutiful rising sun came to help us call it a night and encourage a prompt reunion.
After seeing one another with some regularity for a couple months, the dreaded first birthday in a budding but labelless relationship fast approached. There was no external or internal pressure to rush things, except, perhaps, from Jacob’s misguided existential assumptions. What once seemed like irony that someone so in the moment could be interested in someone so neurotic suggests the differences that challenge us may be the very things that make us more complete. Admitting to Arin freshly realized truths about his struggles with commitment, Jacob came to wonder if this was a mountain that needed to be more than just beheld. She assured him that things were fine as they were, that what would be would be. This simplicity smothered fear - for a time - birthing peace. On Arin’s birthday we awoke before dawn to drive as far southwest as we could to escape the city heights. (Looking back, spontaneous moments among nature have often created such divine backdrops for connection - something too often forgotten in the city). It was a modest affair. We went to observe the much anticipated supermoon, an event which lasted mere minutes, as the earth’s rotation caused the surreal to fade back into the ordinary. Sitting on the hood of a car on a dirt road, the presentation of a handmade dreamcatcher containing various crystals and stones of personal metaphysical significance amounted to a gesture that would elevate our relationship to something more serious and permanent, as gifts often say what words can’t.
One year after our first meeting, Jacob’s band had another gig in Lawrence. It was an unintended surprise to return to the same place on the anniversary of a most eventful encounter and the serendipity was not lost on us. We decided to put on some extra decent clothes and bring a few extra dollars. There were approximately ten people in the whole of The Replay Lounge that night, which we’ll just credit as helping to make the following presentation more intimate. After the entirety of the band’s usual set, which felt more like a public rehearsal in a foreign environment (often the most fun shows to play), Jacob pulled the romantic stunt of his life, unsheathing a secret acoustic guitar to accompany a freshly written concoction of words and melody that Arin would soon realize were an ode to her. Her eyelids buckled under the weight of tears, which commenced to flow as the overwhelming realization that this was the person she would spend her life with took root in her heart. This reaction was considered by him a mark of success, and the dynamic of mutual appreciation was strengthened as the chains of past relationship trauma continued to oxidize and rust as the mist of love grew in enveloping power.
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven. In the few months prior to this date, we encountered many turning points and planted as many milestones, which appears to be a trend in times of insecurity and upheaval. When turmoil is undergone as a unit, it can produce separation. When overcome, newfound connection can bloom, as expectations and priorities are tested and refined, and unknown strength in the face of trials is allowed to be exposed. The flourishing intimacy that came to us surely wouldn’t have been possible had these difficulties never come. Though walking together down the road of change, we had our personal obstacles to overcome. Coupled with prioritizing her health, Arin pursued a radical career shift that took her away from the routine she had come to know the last several years, becoming immersed in a new and engaging world where her talents could be more actively utilized. Jacob’s battles weren’t as easy to see. Finding confidence in their fortified bond led to confronting his commitment issues with conclusive intent. In the midst of this period, long ago rejected nourishment glimmered in the light of humbled appetites. We found it was time to actively pursue our spiritual well-being and found a welcoming community to help direct this aim. From the chaos of the seemingly aimless volcanic debris that consumed our peace in these days, settling ash fertilized our deepest levels and clarified what was worth holding on to.
After a period of intense relationship defining, we reached a serene plateau where we could rest and admire from new heights the puzzlingly beautiful expanse that we had made together. Insecurities began to melt. Disagreements evolved into opportunities to understand the other more fully. Where once was a fear of settling materialized a sanctuary of consistency where higher goals could be realized. It wasn’t Eden, of course, but the almost tangible feeling of progress toward commitment and stability, resembled, finally, an attractive goal rather than a dim fate. Of an evening, preceded by a standard day of demands, we embarked on a rush hour trip to Lawrence for Jacob to lend rhythmic assistance to a companion church to the one we had come to call our spiritual home. Any excuse to brand an ordinary evening a “date night” is a quickly seized prize, as compatible time had become a delicacy with the headfirst dive Arin took into her demanding career. A hindrance to what should be any joyous occasion is so often a forgettable annoyance unintentionally employed at the wrong moment. In other words, one bick led to a bicker and soon we were bickering for no better reason than …. Who can truly place the origin of such trivial undertakings as the ultimate allowance for dishes to accumulate in the sink when the dishwasher is empty? Though a ring had been purchased some weeks prior and reserved in his wallet for a glaringly transcendent moment, Jacob came to terms that this night wouldn’t reward eagerness.....
.....Fortunately, the fickleness of fatigue and hunger induced-tension allowed any shallow tides of contempt to recede within an hour’s drive to the country. Assisting the forward momentum lubricated by greasy burgers, music was rehearsed while Arin got some work done. After completing the night’s assignment, Jacob encouraged an uncharacteristic detour to find ice-cream and a place to stroll, despite the late hour and always somehow longer, unavoidable trip home from Lawrence; and the whisper of the coming day’s agenda became louder and louder. Arin was ripe with suggestions of significant places to enjoy sweet refreshments and savoury company. We landed on the campus of the University of Kansas. We meandered on, every block seeming to contain a well of personal and historical significance, excitedly imparted by someone with deep appreciation for their alma mater. Observing Strong Hall, the story was told of how she discovered the roof access and would come to take advantage of this accidental knowledge whenever atmospheric solitude was required. Once the difficulty of recreating this bygone spontaneity was accepted, the adjacent Bailey Hall’s firescape beckoned as a tolerable substitute. Five stories atop the highest hill in Lawrence, we looked out on the clear night and basked in our small achievement. Recognizing the climactic backdrop, Jacob attempted a speech to bring the earlier communication breakdown and present contentment full circle with a clumsy sketch of the idea that we could scale any fire-escape of difficulty if we had love or something like that. The sentiment was absorbed, a knee was aloofly taken, a ring casually presented, a heavy question shakily spoken, a breathless affirmation declared, mutual tears departed with. The funny thing about this reaction is that we had been talking about taking this leap in relational severity for some time, but the gravity of forever is always capable of taking you by surprise in the right moment.
Much reflection was done in the composition of these memories and the organizing of this site. Fundamental moments inevitably get thrown by the wayside to make way for the present. We’re so grateful to be able to reminisce and share a snapshot of our lives with you and will be happy and honored to see you this coming occasion. Thanks, Jacob and Arin