Hollyann & Dan
The “Who’s Who” of the whole To-Do
Hollyann
Bride
“Deep in Allegany County, a child was born. Little did it know, what role it was to play in the events that were to unfold. Holly-Ann was a precocious child, a child of vision and insight, a weirdo. From a young age, she took to the music of the 70s, finding an affinity for Led Zeppelin, Frank Zappa, and Kansas. A talented young woman, Holly-Ann learned guitar, playing in her high school jazz band, funk band, and her own personal funk-jazz band, under the moniker "Funkadelic Local State Senate" because she was only so creative. In college she came into her own, developing a voracious appetite for photography, videography, the Phoenician language, base-32 mathematics, and other dead skills. She single-handedly rebuilt the interest in flip-book theater in Olean, before settling on a new goal: Bring the 1970s, to an 1860s town. Holly-ann is an artist bar none, a musician bar some, and a gymnast bar most on account of not wanting to break her back. She is not only responsible for making the wedding, wedding invitations, pre-wedding invitations, and pre-pre-wedding plans happen, but she almost makes Dan look acceptable on occasion.”
Dan
Groom
“In the waning years of the Soviet Union, MI-6 in the United Kingdom had to find ways to dispose of babies raised for espionage as part of a sensitive and top secret project. Dan was one of those babies. Swapped for a true, red-white-and-blue-blooded American baby, he was secretly taken to the US several months after his birth, his loving family unknowingly secreting a honed, anti-Communist weapon into the greatest bastion of freedom the world has known. With the collapse of the Soviet Union, Dan did not live up to expectations. He was exceedingly normal. Not one Communist died at his tiny, weak, infant hands, even when he was a young adult (with those same tiny, weak hands). The only success of the project was a love of wood-paneled rooms, corduroy, hues of brown and orange, and a haunting disdain for the remnants of a dead world power. Dan's fiancée has been kind enough to ignore his random, uncontrolled outbursts of "Damn Commies" and his tendency to destroy flags that contain greater than 75% red in their color scheme. In some ways, the UK may have failed, but then again, both the UK and US flags contain a lot of red, white, and blue.”