FAQs - What's an Orthodox Wedding Like?

Question

What’s the wedding day about?

Answer

The wedding day heralds the happiest and holiest day of one's life. This day is considered a personal Yom Kippur for the chosson (Hebrew for groom) and kallah (bride), for on this day all their past mistakes are forgiven as they merge into a new, complete soul.

Question

What is “Shomer Negiah”? Can we hug the bride and groom?

Answer

The term shomer negiah means "observant of touch." In practice, the terminology refers to someone who refrains from physical contact with individuals of the opposite sex. This is done in order to reserve the holiness and sensitivity of touch for a husband and wife. Therefore, we respectfully ask that the men only shake hands with and hug Chanan and the women only shake hands with and hug Hindy. Air hugs and air kisses are totally welcomed! Thank you so much for your understanding, we look forward to celebrating with you!

Question

At what points will men and women be seated separately?

Answer

In order to preserve sensitivity during the marriage ceremony and during the dancing, women and men will be in different sections. However, during the dinner and before the ceremony, men and women are free to sit and mingle as they please.

Question

What is the Tisch and Kabbalas Panim?

Answer

This is the opening ceremony of the wedding, a warm-up to the main event. In one room, Chanan, the chosson (groom) sits at a table (known in yiddish as a tisch) surrounded by close friends and mentors. During this time, the two official marriage documents, known as the tenaim and ketubah, are prepared and signed by two eidim (witnesses). The tisch is a joyous and festive celebration. On the other side of the ballroom, Hindy, the kallah (bride) sits on a chair symbolizing a queen’s throne, for she is considered a queen on her wedding day. During this time, the guests will be singing, dancing, enjoying light fare and schmoozing with Hindy. Further, it is a mitzvah (commandment) to greet the bride, bring her joy, and share blessings and good wishes.

Question

What is the Badeken?

Answer

After the tisch comes the badeken, the veiling of the kallah by the chosson. The music changes tempo and Chanan is danced over to Hindy's room, accompanied on either side by family and friends. This will be the first that they see each other after having no contact for the prior week. Chanan approaches Hindy and covers her face with her veil, signifying that, although on this day Hindy appears outwardly beautiful, Chanan is committing to her because of her internal spiritual radiance. The badeken is a viscerally joyful moment.

Question

What is the Chuppah?

Answer

After the badeken, guests are invited to the chuppah (canopy). The wedding ceremony takes place under the chuppah (canopy), a symbol of the home that the new couple will build together. It is open on all sides, just as Abraham and Sarah had their tent open on all sides to welcome people in unconditional hospitality. On a deeper level, the chuppah represents the divine light that surrounds all of creation. Just as the chuppah covers Hindy and Chanan, this light surrounds all of G-d's creation. Hindy and Chanan hope that their future will always be illuminated by this light. After Hindy joins Chanan underneath the chuppah, she circles him seven times. These circles symbolize the seven days of creation. So, too, Hindy and Chanan are engaging in an act of creation by merging their two souls into one brand new soul.

Question

What are the components of the wedding ceremony?

Answer

Blessings of Betrothal From a halakhic (Jewish law) perspective, a Jewish marriage ceremony consists of two parts, erusin and Nissuin. Marriage, called Kiddushin, is the sanctification of a man and woman to each other. During the first part, erusin, two blessings are recited – one over wine (which regularly sanctifies Jewish events), and one over the actual erusin (betrothal). In Jewish law, a marriage becomes official when the chosson gives an object of value to the kallah. This is traditionally done with a ring. Chanan gives Hindy a completely unadorned ring and in clear view of two witnesses, declares to her, "Behold, you are betrothed unto me with this ring, according to the law of Moses and Israel." He then places the ring on the forefinger of her right hand. According to Jewish law, this is the central moment of the wedding ceremony, and at this point they are fully married. Reading of the Ketubah After Hindy receives the ring, the ketubah (the official Jewish marriage contract) is read. The ketubah outlines the chosson's various responsibilities ― to provide his wife with food, shelter and clothing, and to be attentive to her emotional needs. Protecting the rights of a Jewish wife is so important that the marriage may not be solemnized until the contract has been completed. The document is signed by two witnesses, and has the standing of a legally binding agreement. The reading of the ketubah acts as a break between the first part of the ceremony ― Kiddushin ("betrothal"), and the latter part ― Nissuin ("marriage"). Sheva Brachot - The Seven Blessings Following the reading of the ketubah, seven blessings are recited. With these blessings, the second legal half of the marriage ceremony, Nissuin, commences. It is customary for close mentors and rebbeim to be given the honor of reciting each of the blessings underneath the chuppah. The blessings offer gratitude to G-d, as well as well-wishes for the couple, both now and in their future together.

Question

What’s up with the broken glass cup?

Answer

After the reading of the seven blessings, the final moment of the ceremony then takes place when Chanan breaks a glass cup, shattering it with his right foot. The breaking of glass at this climactic moment symbolizes the imperfection and brokenness that still exists in this world. By remembering this, it allows one to more fully appreciate moments of joy such as this.

Question

Where do Chanan and Hindy go after the ceremony?

Answer

To the yichud (together) room! Immediately after the chuppah ceremony, Hindy and Chanan are danced out from the chuppah and into a private room where they will spend their first moments as a married couple in complete seclusion. The short time spent alone in the yichud room symbolizes the holy intimacy that rests at the core of their marriage. In the yichud room, Hindy and Chanan have a chance to take a deep breath after the intensity of the day and break the fast that they have been keeping since sunrise.

Question

When do we get to party?

Answer

For the rest of the evening! At the simchas chosson v'kallah (celebration of the groom and bride), there is eating, drinking, singing, dance floor shenanigans, and merriment. At this point, the mood shifts from the seriousness and focus-energy of the chuppah ceremony to one of silliness and joy. Come dance with us!

Question

When does the merriment end?

Answer

After the meal, broken up by numerous dancing interludes, Birkat Hamazon (Grace After Meals) is recited, and the Sheva Brachos are repeated. During the week following the wedding, it is customary for friends and relatives to host festive meals in honor of the chosson and kallah. This is called the week of Sheva Brachos, in reference to the blessings said at the conclusion of each of these festive meals.

Question

What's the dress code?

Answer

Modest formal attire.