Wedding Party
Sydney McDade
Maid of Honor
My dearest Cousin - but more accurately the sister I never had. My built in best friend from the day she was born (yes, I was there!) and my confidant for life. We have shared all stages of life together and cannot understate the important role she has played in becoming the woman I am today. Lincoln Log Houses at our Memaws, Summers locked in my neon pink bedroom playing Sims, Athletic Summer Camps, failed classes, heartbreaks and far too much junk food. I am so proud of what she has done in her life - but even more so who she is as a person, as a wife to Conner McDade and as a mother to my biggest blessings Emery Kay(4) and Lyla May(2months). I cannot wait to share the next stage of our lives together and have our children pen the next chapter of our special relationship.
Jennifer Anthony
Bridesmaid
Jennifer has been one of my closest girlfriends for over a decade. We first met as Freshman at The University of Oklahoma as members of the Alpha Chi Omega sorority and have been voluntarily inseparable since. Some of the things I love most about her is her positive attitude, loyalty and kind spirit. Jennifer is the friend that not only always answers your phone call - but shows up at your door 5 minutes later to lend a helping hand. She values family, her Frenchie Genevieve, art museums and a good French 75 at Bowen House. Always a sounding board and supporter of our relationship from the very beginning - we couldn’t imagine celebrating our special day without her.
Breanna Dahlquist
Bridesmaid
What to say about Miss Bre? Other than my family - Bre is the person I have cohabited with the longest (3 years in college + 2 years post grad in Dallas) without killing each other 😍 After meeting freshman year in our sorority, Bre has been an inseparable part of my life and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Always the life of the party Bre loves to dance, laugh and never fails to make sure all of our times together are well documented. She is kind, funny and as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. Always the master organizer of the group, she always takes the lead on planning and making sure everyone has the best time - even at the sacrifice if her own experience. Because that is exactly the type of person she is, selfless, always putting others ahead of herself.
Peyton Chapman
Bridesmaid
Peyton was the very first friend I met at the University of Oklahoma. How lucky was I to end up having another Texan in the dorm right across from me? Lightning struck twice when I discovered that not only was she also in the business college with me - we had the exact same major and shared the majority of our classes together over the next 4 years. Some of my favorite memories from college involve hanging out at her house between classes - watching The Family Feud and feeding her dog, Sammie, far beyond the recommended amounts of cheese and treats. Peyton is one of the smartest, most thoughtful and down to earth people I have ever met and I am forever grateful for the lifelong friendship that chance provided for us 11 years ago.
Rachel Bowers
Bridesmaid
Some of the things I love most about my dear Rachel: - She is outspoken and never apologizes for who she is ( when you are the middle child of 6 you have to be!) - She is a leader who marches to the beat of her own drum, even if nobody else can hear it - She is thoughtful and never forgets to remember and celebrate her friends - She shares my love for interior design, dogs and the hunt for a good deal - She is loyal to those she loves - even when they are in the wrong - She is a adventurous and never says 'No' to life - or a good mountain - She is the most hilarious person I know and she never forgets to laugh at herself John and I eagerly await her and her husband, Brady, upcoming move to Dallas and I cannot wait to take on the next chapter of life with them.
Ryann Gordon
Bridesmaid
I met Ryann my freshman year at the University of Oklahoma through our Sorority Alpha Chi Omega. We roomed together for 3 years in college and we couldn't get enough of each other so I drug her down to Dallas after college. Of the 11 years of friendship, we have been lucky enough to share the same city for 10. Ryann is one of the most creative, fun and loyal friends I have ever had. She has always been such a strong supporter of our relationship and I couldn't imagine not sharing this special day with her by my side.
Paige Simakas
Bridesmaid
I met Paige 5 years ago when she started dating my good friend, Eddie Provencio (groomsmen). I immediately thought "If she can put up with him, she is one hell of a woman" and boy, was I right. Paige is one of the most beautiful, hard working and determined people I know and I am beyond lucky to be able to call her one of my closest friends. She is an incredible saleswoman ( if you need payroll in Dallas, hit her up!) and a great advisor to me both professionally and personally. She also knows how to have a great time and makes me laugh till I cry on a regular basis. But perhaps the thing I most admire in Paige is her devotion and love for her family. As we prepare to enter the next chapter of life she has always reminded me at every turn that nothing is more important than that.
Whitney Bjornson
Bridesmaid
I met Whitney freshman year at The University of Oklahoma through our sorority Alpha Chi Omega. We were fast friends who shared many interests - being the tomboys of our group. She is smart, loyal and one hell of a basketball player (although I did beat her, once). Whitney has never met a bad time and when I am around her - I don't either. She has always been a great sounding board for me - always keeping my confidence and providing trustworthy advice. I couldn't imagine this day without her by my side.
Russell Hawkins
Best Man
Russell indoctrinated his son with a fervent love of movies from a very young age that they have shared ever since. His crowning achievement in this regard was receiving his son’s sheepish admittance that Fritz Lang’s silent-film masterpiece Metropolis was indeed a “good movie”. His self-proclaimed laissez-faire parenting style (John’s mom, Diana, quickly remarked back that it was less lai-ssez and more la-zy) and jolly demeanor made him a favorite of John’s friends and, in spite of some turbulent teenage years, a favorite of John. They try to enjoy an annual fishing trip together, where the world’s problems are solved by conversation that is as fast and loose as their untrained casting motions, though this becomes harder to plan when John is lazy and unresponsive on e-mail. John additionally takes after his father with his advocatus diaboli never-wrong argumentation style, rapier wit, acerbic sense of humor, and talent for self-flattery.
Travis Cox
Groomsman
Travis found his way into this rogues’ gallery upon meeting Cameron Cuenod at the University of Texas Fiji house. At a party at the Cuenod’s, Travis naturally gravitated towards the grill where John was experimenting with new varieties of gourmet hot dog, and they discovered that if good food makes good friends and good times, experimental food make an exponent of that. As fate would have it, they both moved to Dallas for work, where they would continue to engage in not-always-civil repartee respecting the virtues of Kierkegaard over Kant and Rye Whiskey over Tequila. When Travis is near, one can be assured that a medium-rare ribeye steak and a cigarette are not far behind.
Peter Crain
Groomsman
Scholars who have devoted their lives to the subject maintain that Peter and John were each other’s first friends. Indeed, they tell stories of how their mothers were in neighboring rooms at the hospital when they were both born. Critics of this mainline school of thought often attempt to discredit it by pointing to how Peter is two months younger than John. Yet, critics notwithstanding, the mythos lives on. Whatever their true origin story, the pair built unbreakable bonds in the attic of Peter’s childhood home, where they jointly suffered the slings and arrows of Peter’s outrageous older brothers and their friends, incurring mild dizziness and flesh wounds at the unceasing barrage of their beanie-baby bombing campaigns. After those long, dark nights and cold, bleak mornings, they shall forever remain their own band of brothers.
Cameron Cuenod
Groomsman
Cameron “Squeak” Cuenod is a man of many talents. Known as the “832 McConaughey” for his boyish, southern charm and the “River Oaks Lumberjack,” no tree is safe when he has time on his hands and a towel shirt or soiled flannel on his back. A voracious sci-fi buff who has nevertheless maintained a good head on his shoulders, even he has admitted that the original David Lynch Dune film from 1984 was “not very good”. He has a competitive streak and has often been likened as the “Ryan Leaf of backyard badminton,” even though his mother, Dorothy, remains undefeated against him in one-on-one competition. In one of Cameron’s most quickly aborted athletic adventures, he played high school football for two days. Cameron is of French descent, and inherited many Napoleonic traits, including a family history of having been expelled from the country for dueling. He resides in Houston, TX, with his wife and two dogs, both of whom Astro Hawkins shares an extreme affection for. DISCLOSURE: This bio was affectionately co-ghost-written by a member of The Thunderdome
Mark Kim
Groomsman
Mark was propelled into high-school stardom as the front-man of mega-glam-band NARB, of which John played guitar and sang back up vocals. In a nod to their transformational talent, high-octane performances, and relentless pursuit of an uncompromising vision for the future of music, Robin Hilton of NPR’s All Song’s Considered once described them as “the world’s most lethal band” (Mr. Hilton was later surprised to hear that Mark’s greatest inspirations were Luke Bryan and the Speed Racer soundtrack). As Mark’s star was rising most meteorically, he did an about face in one of the most risky and successful reinventions in music history. Mark formed a duo group with John, NARBlets, that dared to trade in the high-octane gas for regular and turn down the volume, putting forward a more plaintive and vulnerable sound that shocked the world even more than the blitzkrieg scale runs and lightning vocals of their prior efforts. The two went on to perform such acclaimed concerts as “The time at Chapel they did Swing Life Away” and “Julie’s Birthday” which have gone on to reportedly become the most bootlegged albums since the invention of the compact disc, displacing such other famous bootlegs as “Who’s Zoo” and Prince’s “Black Album”. While the group are currently on hiatus, they maintain they have yet to play their final performance.
Leeor Mushin
Groomsman
Leeor is unfairly most famous for losing the elementary school presidency to opposing candidate Eric Berdinis. Leeor, being the youngest in his family, faced the staunch advocacy of Berdinis’ younger brother and was unable to secure key voting blocs in the third grade. The campaign’s slogan “Don’t be a bore, vote Leeor”, while clearly insatiable, proved ineffective to carry the day. James Carville would later compare the election to other famous presidential landslides such as Reagan/Mondale and Nixon/McGovern. After reflection on this defeat, Leeor left the arena of politics to follow his passion of education. What would later express itself as an interest in the potential of Income Sharing Agreements (ISAs) began during the weekends in high school where he diligently taught all the youth of St. John’s School how properly to count to three in both Chinese and Japanese. He is the embodiment of the motto of the University of Texas: “What starts here changes the world”
Eddie Provencio
Groomsman
Eddie and John, like Haley and John, met at work on the campuses of Capital One. A humble and kind church-attending youth, Eddie’s eyes were opened to the wilder side of life at the University of A&M College Station’s Boyett street and Northgate district. With his maturity permanently stunted by the misadventures, he became a master of compartmentalizing his day and has managed to put a professional foot forward at the office, though many suspect he is actually just three kids standing on each-other’s shoulders in a trench coat and not a college educated product manager. Eddie is most recognizable for his laugh, which begins with a high-pitched punctuation and is followed by a long glissando. Ironically, when he is laughing the hardest, he has trouble breathing and simply opens his mouth wide and looks around in astonishment. His sense of humor, while often below the lowest brow, maintains just enough self-awareness to keep its charm.
W. Alexander Unger
Groomsman
It was perhaps the time that John shouted out to his friend, “William!”, and he responded with a steely certainty in his voice, “My name is Alexander,” before shuttling himself down the tunnel slide from the second story of the playground climber, that John knew he would have trouble keeping up. Then it was the time that Alex organized a strike in physical education class, leading the way by running the slowest quarter mile coach De La Garza had ever seen a child run around the rubber track, that John thought perhaps he wouldn’t have trouble keeping up after all. John, not being a scab, participated in the strikes, though he would pick up pace in the final seconds to not be last in what Alex would later scorn as acts of “bad faith”. In perhaps the greatest ruse of all, John convinced Alex to join him at NYU with tales of the warm and sunny beaches of Long Island. While life has sped up for the two of them since elementary school, they continue to make time in the slow lane of the track - on the chance occasion that they are in the same city - to share a glass of Old Crow and watch True Lies or Road House.
George Alcorn III
Usher
George was the first member of his Pre-K class to be able to get the spellings for “Tennessee” and “Mississippi” consistently correct, which were Herculean feats in the eyes of John who was concurrently having trouble tying his shoes. A talented alpinist-arborist, George lived his life in the trees as a child. Statistics caught up with him early, however, and a fall from a tree broke his arm, which introduced his friends to what was to them the novelty of an orthopedic cast. The son of eccentrics, he could often be seen driven around in a Volkswagen “Bug” through the streets of River Oaks. On a fateful day at age 18, John was constructing a Lego in George’s attic when, near its completion, George’s Mom walked in and “accidentally” stampeded over the project. At that moment, looking over the wreckage of his meticulous labor and the blueprints he had so diligently followed, John learned that all things must pass. George and John proceeded to play Halo the rest of the day.
Alex Morsanutto
Usher
Alex was in the same transfer class to NYU as fellow wedding party member William (erm) Alex Unger. An early misunderstanding of his last name at their initial greeting led to the sobriquet “A-Mac”. Even after several protestations that his last name was Morsanutto and not Macsanutto, the nickname proved nevertheless unshakeable. A-mac (née Morsanutto), a lover of football, led John and Alex Unger on a torrential campaign through NYUs intramural flag football league, never winning a game on the field but always winning hearts and minds. A former film student, he is perhaps the only member of John’s wedding party pursuing a career that his bachelor degree trained him for (Silence, “business” majors). His directing role model is, self-evidently, Michael Bay.
Carter Pearson
Usher
Carter and John met at the beginning of Junior High where it was immediately obvious to all that Carter’s two great passions were penguins and top hats. As Carter matured, his interests unfortunately expanded, and Carter and John grew to share guilty pleasures in the band Brand New, NHL Hitz, and philanthropy. A devout Effective Altruist, Carter has pursued a career in trading to maximize his impact. Carter recently signed the giving pledge, and plans to donate the vast majority of his largesse to the INABIF school in Peru where he and John taught English to elementary school children in the summer after their freshman year of college. As a certified Yogi and proponent of the South Beach diet, be wary of his jedi mind tricks.
Clay Wolcott
Usher
Clay “Spud” Wolcott is a linguist in the league of Chomsky and Tolkien. A notoriously zany creative, he once wrote a school essay in a foreign language of his own invention that was “from the future”. A connoisseur of portmanteaus, he often twists and contorts language into new and fresh kaleidoscopic treats. He lays claim to the invention of many important portmanbreaus, including “Bromance”, “Brohibition” and “Broletariat”. His highly anticipated upcoming dictionary of collective nouns, “A Blessing of Narwhals”, is set to be released this December (a word of advice – cop that).