Maid of Honor
I honestly probably would have married her if it wasn't for Greg.
Best Man
My one-legged prostitute. Minus the prostitute.
Bridesmaid
I met Brianna when she was plopped in front of me as a newborn and declared my sister. Isn't she cute?
Groomsman
The only trooper I know to get hurt by the one-legged prostitute.
Bridesmaid
Michelle introduced us back in October 2020. If it wasn't for her, none of us would be here right now. Homies for life!
Groomsman
He's a good dude.
Bridesmaid
Cool as a cucumber. Once agreed to let herself be set on fire if sexy firemen show up.
Groomsman
Likes his Jack Daniels with a lil chlorine.
Bridesmaid
The coolest girl on the block. Also an NPC school teacher.
Groomsman
The only man I know to eat a milkbone.
Flower Girl
Smartest kid we know. She kicks our ass at cards and can flip a burger with two hands.